Say It, Sometime
by Kaeru Shisho
Summary: This is the fourth in a completed series of 5 stories which are AU pure romance focusing on Xelloss and Zelgadiss in high school. Next, please look for the conclusion in 'Call Me, Anytime.'
1. Part 1

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Say It, Sometime

(This story is fourth in the 'Remind Me, Now' series. It follows the 'Ask Me, Again' story.)

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to. This is a male x male romance. If you don't like them, don't read this, please…

**Part 1**

* * *

Gourry nodded, "Zel, I can't believe all this…thanks…" 

"Yeah, well…save that for later, when it's all over," Zel said. "Then you can ask me …if it was the right thing to do…again and again…"

He looked into Gourry's haunted eyes and added, "Because, I'm not sure _what's_ right any more. I thought that Xelloss and I were 'right'. But now…just say it, Gourry. I know you'll say it, sometime… so just get it over with and say it!"

"Say what, that Xelloss was a mistake? Zel, I'm not one to judge you guys. Not me…I think he was the best thing that ever happened to ya…and the worst."

Zel returned home to find Xelloss sitting in the sunroom, staring at the darkness that lay beyond the windows. Why hadn't Xelloss just gone to bed so he wouldn't have to see him right now? He shivered from a potent mixture of anxiousness and animosity, then summoned his strength and stalked into the sunroom.

He stood beside the table and looked at his hands; he couldn't look at the friend who had tossed away his love so carelessly.

"I just got Daemon to bed. He…overheard enough to know something was wrong. He's known that for awhile, I guess," Xelloss said softly.

"Yes, he has. That's why I promised him a home here, with us…no…changes to him," Zel said in a near whisper.

Daemon's screams alerted them and they both flew to his side.

"No! No!" Daemon screamed.

"Shhhhh, Zel's back, see?" Xelloss cried out, then lowered his voice in an attempt to sound calm. "Daemon…You have to understand this, and you have to grow up just a bit more too… I know you can."

Xelloss spoke firmly but kindly. His son sniffled, but quieted gradually. "That's better. Now, this is a grown-up matter about feelings and needs and people changing. You might not see Zel and me hugging and kissing like before, but that doesn't mean we don't care…at all…"

Zel could hear Xelloss' voice catch. He was having a hard time maintaining control over his emotions.

"We-we still wwant to hold on to our friendship as best we can. It may not always look that way to you, because we might not share all of our personal stuff with you. Also…it's hard. Running away is easy. There's no instruction manual for us, Daemon," Xelloss paused.

"If I wasn't here," Daemon blurted out. "I-If I went to stay with grandmother or gampa…that would make it better!"

"Gods, no Daemon!" Zel practically shrieked. "Oh, no…that's not true at all! In fact," he drew in a deep breath, "…you're like the glue for us. We both love you and want to keep you. The only thing that can make 'us' better…is for you to go to bed and dream about summer vacation and all you'd like to do with us, all right? Let's go…"

So after many loving hugs and pats, Daemon fell asleep that night. Zel and Xelloss wandered into the front room where Zel collapsed on the couch. Xelloss blinked back tears and looked past Zel at the stack of backpacks and books ready at the door for the next day. He only looked down when he heard an awful strangled muffled sound. It was Zel, pressing a hand to his face to hold back a flood of grief.

For a moment their eyes met, misery to misery. "Why…" Zel choked out. "Why does it hurt so m-much…?" That was all he could say before he curled up in a sobbing ball of anguish.

Xelloss wanted nothing more than to wrap his friend in his arms and offer him the only comfort he wanted, the only thing that he needed…but he restrained himself. He'd taken this path, he couldn't back out now. It was inevitable. This is the worst of it, Xelloss thought.

But he was wrong. He had considered his own suffering.

"Because…_we care_…" Xelloss whispered so quietly that only Zel with his acute hearing could have heard. Then, he turned and escaped the torture of watching his friend deal with his heartbreak by closing the door to his room.

The next week Zelgadiss moved as one in a trance, going from class to class and vacantly putting in appearances. The week after would be the last one before finals, then summer break. He was already emotionally in shock, but the anger he harbored inside was growing. It was a nasty thing, what Xelloss had done to break them up. He felt used and manipulated, which made him touchier than ever. Xelloss understood, but after a few days of this, he grew chafed as well. The hostility in their home and at school lasted for days. It was the subtle kind of hostility that takes place when people have to function in proximity even when they are furious with one another. Not one extra word was spoken, and what words needed to be said were edged with a biting frostiness.

At school, Xelloss continued to sit across the table from Zel at lunch, chatting with everyone except Zel. Zel caught himself more than once looking daggers at him wondering if anyone else knew what a selfish, unreasonable bastard he was - or just how much of an unfortunate victim _he_ was. Gourry knew, but kept his promise and clamed up. These were _his_ friends, Zel thought, and _he_ wasn't going to be driven from them. Let _Xelloss_ go muck about with _his_ drama group.

Then Zel spied Duo and had an odd thought. He left the lunch table, tossing out his trash on the way following Duo's long braid as it swayed out the door. "Maxwell!" Zel shouted to get the kid's attention.

Duo froze and turned to find out who dared to call him by his last name. His violet eyes widened when he recognized Zel running up behind him. A higher-level Mazouku-- and a cute one at that—could call him anything. "Yes? Zelgadiss?"

"Ah," Zel paused to catch his breath and collect his thoughts. Now that he'd stopped him, what next? "Yeah, hi…"

"Duo, I prefer my friends call me that," the younger guy smiled, frankly admiring the taller, scarred-but-attractive guy pushing a sweep of bangs out of his eyes. And what eyes! Huge and the clearest blue-green color imaginable…too bad about the scars. "You can too, if you'd like!"

He's asking for us to be friends. Zel nodded, "Yeah, I'd like that…Duo."

Duo's smiled broadened, "So?"

"So? Oh, yes, um…I just wanted to…" What, dammit, what should I say? Zel thought frantically. He had just wanted to get away from Xelloss and maybe, perhaps, get him curious about what he and Duo had going on. But now he had to say something. "See if you'd like to go someplace and talk." There he'd said something.

"Talk? I guess so…when? Now? Lunch is just about over," Duo pointed out. He was stifling a grin now as he wondered if this arrogant kid was trying to ask him out on a date or something. Well, as much as he'd die for the opportunity to be seen with Zel, he wasn't about to make this part easy on him, for all the times he'd snubbed his advances in the past.

"Oh, um…you're right. Well, I…later, then," Zel blushed and started to leave.

Duo decided he'd played it a bit too cool and stepped in to lend Zel a hand, "How about you take me to the park after school. We could throw a football around while you…talk." Or I'll just throw you onto the grass and…push all those old boyfriend thoughts out of your head…Duo smiled privately.

"Park? Oh, all right. That would be fine then."

"We'll meet at your car," Duo prompted his tense new friend. As Zel nodded, he added, "Oh, just one thing…Let's not talk about your 'ex', okay?"

Zel shook his head, "No, I wouldn't do that…"

Duo smiled (of course not…) and tossed his chestnut-colored braid to his back. "Okay, then…later…that's the bell!"

Zel stood frozen in place feeling enormously foolish and frightened. Had he just asked Duo out…on a date? His stomach churned. He had recreated his hetero image, and now was he about to mess with that again? And for what? Did he really think he could make Xelloss jealous? What an idiot!

"I can't stay too late," Zel told Duo as they reached the park.

"Why, your momma wants you home before dark?" Duo teased. He regretted his words in the next second.

"No. I'm cooking dinner tonight and have studying to do for finals and I promised to take Daemon to a function at his school tonight," Zel answered dryly.

"Not to mention, you don't live with your parents," Duo added.

"My parents died several years ago," Zel said as he parked his car.

Duo groaned, "Man…I'm sorry…I only meant to tease a bit, not to go for a low blow. Believe me, please!"

Zel sighed, "Yeah, fine. You have a football?"

Duo shook his head, "No…but we can walk a bit and talk, okay?" He added eagerly.

Zel shrugged his shoulders and got out of the car, "Sure."

Duo tried to engage him in conversation for several minutes before Zel finally halted and looked at him. "Listen, I'm not very…sociable these days…"

Duo chuckled, "So what's new?"

Zel cracked a smile, "Um, I guess I'm not a very outgoing guy."

"Maybe, maybe not, but you sure as hell are a _damn_ handsome guy that has _dozens_ of guys _drooling_ at the chance to hang around you. I've just replaced your 'ex' as the most hated guy at school. Just _kidding_, Zel. What I meant was that several guys are very envious of me…I mean, you don't ask out _anyone_!" Duo added hastily. He couldn't read Zel's reaction at all.

Drooling? Zel frowned. Hardly. So, this was a date? Good, grief, better clear that up. "Duo, I just wanted to go someplace and talk to you. I didn't mean this to be a…date or anything…"

He saw Duo's face drop in disappointment. "Xelloss and I still…live in the same house and have…issues to resolve."

Duo sighed again, "Yeah, you're not over the guy even though you dumped him for some bitch. Hey, you said we wouldn't have to talk about him, too!"

Zel was about to correct Duo on several counts, but decided that it wasn't worth the effort and it wasn't Duo's business anyway. "I just want to have friends, Duo. Guys to talk to about stuff."

"Talk? Stuff? You want $ex? Is that what you're trying to get at here? You wanna go someplace more private?" Duo asked not with anger but more with surprise.

"What? I-I'm not in love with you!" Zel answered back.

"You don't have to be in love to get laid, any more than you were looking for love the night you met Xelloss," Duo retorted.

"What do you mean? I never…we never… What he and I had was _never _about sex!" Zel shouted out violently.

Duo snorted. "Yeah, right. How dumb do you think I am? He's still hot for you, smoldering every time I see him in class. He's so messed up right now…he doesn't go out with anyone! Not even Nuriko can get any action out of him, or could. And I know that he hasn't been out with anyone but him since you came along. Shit! He doesn't just go and give up sex overnight, so he has…er, _had_ to be getting it pretty hot and heavy from you. So, don't give me that 'I'm not into sex with other guys' routine!'" Duo blurted out.

Zel blushed; his brain recoiled. Xelloss hasn't been going out with other guys? That's not true…not possible! Why wouldn't he have told be that? That would have made Zel feel proud and beloved beyond words not to mention… committed… Oh. Xelloss must be terrified of confining himself to just one person, but so much that he would use an innocent girl like Kagome to drive them apart? Zel pondered the possibilities until Duo's heart-stricken pleas for forgiveness broke though to his senses.

"…Gods, please say something…Hit me…yell at me…just don't…"

"It's all right, Duo. What you said…how do you know so much about Xelloss' activities?" Zel asked calmly.

Dou sputtered as he switched gears at high speed, "N-Nuriko. H-He spends more time with him than anyone else…except you, of course. He doesn't give away any confidences and no one suspects anything, but me and him. I wouldn't have said anything I didn't think you-- of all people-- didn't already know. I was just mad because you were treating me like I was some kind of ignorant kid," Duo said.

"Which you are, actually in this case," Zel said sternly, then smiled slightly. "I think both Xelloss and Nuriko would be mad as _hell_ to know you told me all this, so…lets pretend it didn't happen."

Duo gave him a puzzled look.

"Um…starting over…Hi, I'm Zelgadiss and I'd like to be your friend. Just that, nothing else. Can you deal with that, Duo? Nod, for yes. All right. I don't have any other gay friends to talk to and it would be nice to share thoughts sometime. What do you say?"

Duo's face broke into a smile, "That's great! Sure, I'd like that!"

Zel's demeanor relaxed and the two boys settled into a non-controversial discussion about schoolmates and summer as they strode back to the car. Zel dropped Duo off near the large apartment complex he called 'home', leaving Duo stunned. Who was that guy? Not the conceited, disdainful White Shrine Zelgadiss, that's for sure!

Zel made a quick stop at the grocery store to pick up food for dinner. At home, Zel smiled as he chopped vegetables and washed rice. He could remember how angry he had been when he had first moved into this house…to have to clean toilets, wash floors, and hang up his own clothes! He'd been treated like a little prince for so long, that the simple pleasures of caring for himself and others had escaped him totally. Now, he practically relished the humble chores and duties.

Poor Duo! He wasn't sure what that kid would have done if he'd said 'yes, lets go to your place'. He wasn't sure if Duo admired him because of his position or for real. Then it occurred to Zel that maybe Xelloss had felt the same way at first. But couldn't he tell? Didn't he get it? The difference! Zel wondered what it was, that 'love' thing. Had _he_ known true love? The words of Gourry's mother sprang to mind: 'You will both make mistakes, but when one of you _deliberately _does something that they know will hurt the other, then it's time to rethink everything and make decisions. _Never_ take less than you deserve.'

"What _do _I deserve?" Zel wondered.

When Xelloss came through the door with Daemon, he wasn't in a very good mood. He barked orders at his child and tossed his things down with more force than necessary.

Zel winced inwardly, but stayed mute and out of the way. The rice was done and the tea nearly ready to set on the table. "Dinner's ready," he called out. "There's plenty of time to eat and then take you to your school tonight, Daemon."

"F$$!" Xelloss cursed uncharacteristically. "Something _else_ I forgot about!"

"It…" Zel noted while pointing with a spoon to the wall-hung calendar, "…_is_ on the schedule, if you'd looked this morning instead of running off without your breakfast."

Xelloss glared at him. When did _he _become such a bitch? _And _a cook? Oh, my…something smelled heavenly!

Xelloss ran his fingers through his hair and sank into a chair in the kitchen. "Sorry…I've been practicing hours, but the violin and I…aren't on the same wavelength…" Xelloss groaned.

Zel placed a bowl of rice, chopsticks and the stir-fry platter on the table, then reached for three plates. "You have to get past the distractions, remind those neural pathways of all your previous work, and enjoy yourself again," he said soothingly.

Xelloss frowned, "What do you know about anything creative! I just need to go out and… get laid." He said the last words venomously, hoping to inflict a little pain along the way.

Zelgadiss flinched ever so slightly, then remembering what Duo had told him rethought his response. "That's too bad. You're going with us and suffer, if you must…like a good daddy," Zel smirked and checked on Daemon, who was on his way. Zel leaned over Xelloss, lightly pulled back a silky fall of purple hair covering one ear, and whispered, " Besides, you are lying, but that's your business. You never were very good at it. Whatever's going on, I want you to remember something, Daemon comes first. I'm right…you know it, too! _And_ I know you will say it, sometime. It goes like this: 'Zel, you were right'!"

Xelloss opened his mouth to discredit Zel and further argue, but was shamed to silence when his son entered the room and said, "I'll be the only boy there with TWO dads!"

They ate in silence a few minutes, then Xelloss broke the spell with a question, "So, you and Duo go someplace today?" He smiled, but it didn't spread to his eyes.

Zel thought about what he could say. Here was his chance to drive in a knife and do a little twisting of his own. Then he sighed, "Yes, I thought I could use more friends…one that was gay."

He let that soak in before continuing, "Gourry's fine and so are Val and Amelia to some extent, but they don't cover all the issues. I don't want to flaunt my…you know… but I'm not trying to hide being gay exactly either. Besides, there's no reason to keep harboring some inexplicable dislike for the guy."

"I see," Xelloss smiled, though he wasn't sure if he liked what he saw or not. He didn't really get what Zel's goal was and certainly didn't get the tactics. Zel was mad at him, that he'd made clear, but he wasn't reacting at all as Xelloss had expected.

Zel returned with a question of his own, "Now that you've finished the driver's training class, when are you planning to get your license taken care of?"

"Ah…I hadn't given it any thought," Xelloss answered, nearly choking on his water.

"How about this weekend? You'll be busy with the violin contest next, so this Saturday would be the perfect opportunity. I'll go over with you at opening--10:00."

Xelloss set down his water. "I-I don't really need it. I haven't a car to drive."

"You can drive mine," Zel smiled. "Plus, we'll go out and get you one right after you snag that vital piece of legal paper. I _know_ that you can afford one."

Daemon had jammed his food down in record time and was on the phone talking excitedly to his friend, Chuckie, Xelloss noticed. He took the moment of privacy to question Zel, "Why are you doing all this…being so…nice to me and all?"

Zel momentarily met his eyes. "Friends do those kinds of things for one another, Xelloss, and I remember not so very long along calling you my very best friend. Certainly, I have a precious few of those… Listen, strip away the 'white shrine' crap and I'm just an ordinary guy… Oh, don't try and deny that!" Zel snapped. "Word is out about…us breaking up…by now and I can tell you I haven't had any 'hits' either by girls or guys. Actually, fewer than when I was the snobby, rich shrine kid." Zel smiled faintly and continued, pleased that Xelloss was listening intently. "Friendships I've found are precious relationships, and I want to do what I can to keep ours, where I've failed to maintain something deeper."

"Daaaaad-deeeee!" Daemon cried from the front room. "We gotta go noow! I wanna sit near the front where I can see Chuckie. He goes on early to do a skit. I'm later."

"Forget the dishes," Zel said, dumping them into the sink and running some water over the worst to soak. "We can't be late for this!"

To be honest, Xelloss may not have paid attention to any of the action on his son's stage that night. Oh, he possibly caught the moving recitation of poems, one done by his own son and done mostly for him, but nothing else. He was running over the conversations with his…roommate that evening. He certainly had never known anyone like, Zel.

He thought, "And, Zel, you are wrong about something. You are _anything_ but ordinary…"

End. Say It, Sometime Part 1.


	2. Part 2

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 02 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

To be honest, Xelloss may not have paid attention to any of the action on his son's stage that night. Oh, he possibly caught the moving recitation of poems, one done by his own son and done mostly for him, but nothing else. He was running over the conversations with his…roommate that evening. He certainly had never known _anyone_ like, Zel. 

He thought to himself, "And, Zel, you are wrong about something. You are _anything _but ordinary…" 

Xelloss had met his match, so to speak. He had to admit what he really didn't want to, and that was that deep down inside he really wanted to love and to be loved. He was twenty years old and had been alone and lonely for long enough. When he first saw Zel-- well, not quite the _first_ time, but _very_ soon after those first few times when he knew he wanted Zel to be his friend—or shortly thereafter, he knew the drought was over and Zelgadiss Greywords was the boy he would fall in love with, and he loved him still. So, what was the problem? Why not apologize and start over? Well…that was a secret, the one he kept from everyone.

Zelgadiss sneaked a peek at his quiet friend several times throughout the evening. He had gone too far, making him come to this, probably. Xelloss was here and furious at him because of it, because Xelloss knew that he had been right to insist that he come. Ah, well, he had tried. Could their friendship survive? He asked himself that every day, repeatedly.

Xelloss felt Zel's icy blue gaze stab his way, do its damage, then hastily retreat leaving a bloodless wound. Did Zel know how much that affected him? Everything about Zel affected him, now more than ever. Sex had been about getting all he could get… until Zel kissed him and then everything changed. His kisses had altered his world. The way Zel kissed him went beyond getting him into bed and conquering him. Sex with other guys had become like having a half of something that was nothing without the other half. Were they really the missing half required to make each other whole beings? Xelloss closed his eyes and drew a deep, shuddering breath. How would he know? 

IT had to be done, but was doing IT worth losing his own personal chance at happiness? IT. IT. IT was his job, however, and he always followed orders, no matter how much or who they hurt. Maybe being a high level Mazouku wasn't enough anymore. Sitting there, needing relief, Xelloss also found that he wanted to hold the other boy, to comfort him, and to keep him safe from the other demons haunting the dark. It was a long night.

~~~~ 

Xelloss passed his drivers test and proudly waved his new license under Daemon's nose, "See? I _did_ accomplish something. Now I can run some of the errands." 

Daemon, picking up a few bad habits from the other snot-nosed kids at school snickered brazenly, "Only 'cause Zel _made_ you. Without _him_ around, you might forget to get out of _bed_ in the morning. You certainly would forget to get _me_ up!" He gave his father a smirk and scampered off before Xelloss could say anything.

Zel forced back a smile and pretended to have not overheard the comment. "So…after we drop little prince charming off at his friend's house, do you want to go get lunch or go car shopping first?"

"Since I'm driving, let me surprise you," Xelloss said with a smile.

For a change, the two friends spent a pleasant afternoon in each other's company. Sure, they skirted all the topics they secretly wanted most to cover, keeping the conversation light and impersonal, but Zel never once felt the urge to throttle Xelloss, and Xelloss never allowed them to stray onto sensitive topics.

Yeah, sure…right…

Xelloss considered ripping Zel's head off for being so 'good' and understanding. It made him want to scream for mercy and beg for forgiveness and submit to any humiliation Zel wish to subject him to. Zel wished Xelloss would someday know what it felt like to have his heart torn from his body, for being so apparently unappreciative of Zel's overtures of friendship and so unaffected by all the misery he'd caused Zel. The conversation went something like this, however…

"This sandwich is really good. Nice bread. How's yours?" Zel asked. It might as well be made of cardboard for all you've barely nibbled at it…

"Delicious. This place is new, you know. I've only been here once and that was for just ice cream, I think." Xelloss responded. If I ever manage to actually come here and taste the food, I'll let you know what I really think of it…Oh, and I'd love to lick that glob of mustard off your lips…Ah…too late…

"You think? I didn't think you could ever forget an ice cream experience," Zel countered. So, you _have_ been here before. I wonder with whom? Must have been quite a guy to distract you from ice cream…

"I forgot the dessert, not the experience," Xelloss smiled. Because I was moaning to Nuriko about you and thought you might try and kill yourself…but in spite of what I did and how much you were hurting that night, you were holding my son to comfort him…

"Oh," Zel's face hardened. Gods, Xelloss just hit me over the head with it already. "So, he must have been…quite interesting." 

"He? Oh, when I was here before. No, just Nuriko jabbering about nothing after some play practice," Xelloss said uncomfortably. No! I don't want to talk about Nuriko! "It was quite forgettable, except for the interesting menu and I knew I wanted to return to try some of the other things." With you…so I could see how the blue bench seat highlights your eyes…It does…

"Oh, well, thanks. I'm glad you did. You mind if I bring some other friends here sometime? I mean, it's not your secret hideout or anything?" Ah, shit! That was lame! Why not just ask him if you can spy on him with his prospective new…shit…he's upset now… Zelgadiss sighed.

"Oh, no! Nothing like that! I just know you like to try new things. Ah, food, that is…" Xelloss latched onto his water glass and chugged it to stop himself from saying anything else more stupid than what seemed to want to leap from his mouth. Sure, Zel, this will give you and Duo a place to hang out…

"I see, well…why don't you finish up and we'll go car shopping?" Zel smiled slightly. He picked up the check and left the table in search of the cashier. What was Xelloss on? He's never been so obtuse before. I must be making him really uncomfortable. Well, good. Someday he'll regret losing me. I hope it really hurts, too. Well, not too much…Poor baby…the _asshole_…

"Sure," Xelloss muttered before noticing Zel was getting up. Ah, hell…what was Zel getting at? I guess that was his way of letting me know that he's ready to move on and spend time with other guys. Now he's smiling…I feel like crap. I am such an _asshole_…

At least they found something about which to agree.

~~~~ 

Finals week was forgettable, except for a few good conversations. One of them occurred late in the week. Duo caught Zelgadiss leaving the lunchroom.

"Hey, dude!" Duo called. "Gotta favor ta ask…"

"Yes?" Zel asked in his customary low voice. 

"You can say 'no' and I'll find another way, but…"

Zel sighed, "What?"

"Can you give me another lift home…Nuriko's goin' another direction. Um, he usually gives me a ride," Duo explained. His violet eyes pleaded. Violet, not purple. Large and round, not narrow and slanted. Duo's not Xelloss'…

"Ah, sure. It's parked in the same place as before. Meet me there," Zel said, then parted company for his last test of the day.

Zel slowed to a crawl in front of the forbidding-looking building called Gundam Towers, or the simply the projects. 

"Pull around back and you can park. Been here before? Heh, I didn't think you would have much reason for slumming," Duo said with a dazzling smile to offset the mild insult. "Wanna come in? I'll show you around," he offered breezily. 

"All right," Zel said. Not that he wanted to, but how could he refuse and not look like a snob, which he was…or had been. "You live here with your…family?"

"Ha! That's a funny way to put it! I guess you can call everyone living in a orphanage-hospice for teens 'family'," Duo chuckled.

"Oh, ah…sorry. I didn't know," Zel muttered as he blushed.

"It's a Mazouku-run facility for homeless kids. Oh…yeah, you are new at this Mazouku thing," Duo smirked. He wondered just how uninitiated into the Mazouku clan Zel was! "Doesn't Xelloss tell you anything? He's supposed to be training you, or something, right?"

"…Bastard doesn't tell me anything!" Zel spat venomously. "Yes, he's supposed to be training me, but he hasn't done a damned thing but manipulate and control me! My only consolation has been finding a great shaman master to direct me. I like that a lot. In fact, I should be getting back soon to meet the man."

Duo's eyes grew wide. It did not sound like there was much love lost between those two after all. "Hey, well, now that you're here, I'll show ya my place, okay. Won't take long, I promise!"

Zel followed the cheerful guy through a maze of dark, drab passages. What an awful place to wind up! Zel never knew how well off he'd been until now. These kids had nothing but their clothes! And yet, Duo managed to be so happy and, well, optimistic and nice. Zel decided that he'd have to find a way to improve this place for all the kids forced to live out the end of their childhood here.

"This is it!" Duo announced as he unlocked the door to his room and flung it open. "Home sweet home! It's not much, but I don't have to share, not that I'd mind if it was the right guy…" his eyes met Zel's for an instant, then shied away. "And there are lots of nice people here, but privacy is valued beyond all commodities."

"Are there too few individual rooms so most have to share?" Zel asked.

"Yeah. Mostly the double rooms could be split. They'd be really small, but no one would mind."

"What else would make living here better?" Zel asked.

"Having you here with me?" Duo laughed. "Just kidding! I could draw up a list, if you had all day."

"Would you?" Zel asked. "Draw up a list. I'm interested."

"Ah, sure…" Duo said. Would wonders never cease?

They talked a bit longer, then Duo walked Zel to where he'd parked his car. "So, thanks for the ride, Zel."

"No problem. Ask anytime, okay? Um…bye now," Zel said and dipped his head into the car. 

Duo smiled and waved goodbye. Man, he could really fall for a guy like Zel. Nice looking, dreamy eyes, single, taller, older but somehow so innocent-seeming, plus it didn't hurt that the guy was rich. He wished he understood the living arrangements that Xelloss and Zel had though.

~~~~ 

Xelloss still had not found a car that suited his tastes, either that or he didn't want to take on the additional responsibility. Whichever, he hadn't yet bought a car, obligating him to Zel for constant loans of his-- to which Zel rarely objected. 

The Saturday following finals marked the day of the Seyruun violin trials. Zelgadiss told Xelloss he would drop him off and pick him up, but told him nothing about his plan to attend. Actually, Val and Gourry wanted to attend as well and make it a surprise for Xelloss, who certainly did not expect to find any support out in that sea of faces. 

"Xelloss, I don't mind you borrowing the car, but not for this. _What_?" Zel shouted over the sounds of water as Xelloss washed his hands on the other side of the bathroom door. "No, I just need it for something else. You won't be using it while your playing, will you? No, you won't. And, if you want to go…out afterwards, then after I pick you up, you can drop me off back here and take it, all right?"

"So where are you going this afternoon?" Xelloss asked on emerging from the bathroom.

"Out," Zel answered curtly. "Daemon? Ready? I'll take you over to Chuckie's while your father gets dressed."

Xelloss closed his eyes and leaned against the bedroom door. Too bad. He always liked having Zel as his audience. Maybe that's what was missing from his playing these days, someone to play for…

~~~~ 

So, when his name was called to take his place on the stage and Xelloss looked up and saw…Val, Gourry, and Zel seated front and center, he felt a comforting warmth spread through his chest. Zel, how could you make me suffer? Going out, my foot! Oh, Zel…you are learning. 

And that was the trick! Xelloss placed his violin upon his shoulder, nodded for the introduction to begin, then he began to play. He played out his heart to his friend, knowing that at least Zel would be moved by his music. That was enough, too. The audience sensed a true gifted performer when they heard one and sat mesmerized to the end, when they stood to applaud.

Xelloss blushed and bowed respectfully, eyed closed. As he slowly raised his eyelids, his eyes met Zel's and for a moment time stopped. His heart skipped a beat, anyway, as it swelled with pride and love. 

"Thank you," he mouthed silently to his ex.

"You're welcome," Zel whispered to his ex.

~~~~ 

Now Xelloss was uncertain what to do, but he knew he had to do something before it was too late, if it wasn't already. Zel, he knew, was seeing Duo frequently. Sooner or later they'd form an attachment and then…it would be too cruel to break up another potential love affair for Zel. He had to act before it was too late, but he had so little time! He'd promised Zel that he would go to the violin trials in England, but at the time he'd made that agreement, going alone wasn't such a bad idea. Now, leaving Zel without the daily reminders of Xelloss' presence would free up more time for Zel to fill with the 'braided one'. 

Time for a change of plan.

"Ze-el!"

"What, Xelloss? I'm reading in the sunroom."

"I don't want to go alone." There, he'd admitted a weakness.

"You won't be alone, Xelloss. There will be hundreds of contestants there with you at all times."

"That's _not_ what I meant."

Zel sighed, "I have training with Vurumagen and Daemon to care for. I can't be flying off to England. Especially since I'm planning to visit Lina in France soon." 

"Bring them along, too!"

"I don't think so."

Xelloss sank to the floor next to Zel's chair. "Please, Zel. I don't think I can do this alone…I _need_ you there…to play for."

Had Zel not been seated, he would have fallen down. Xelloss begging? Xelloss _needs_ him, _him_…_Zel_? He _could_ make him suffer…_that_ would be fun…

Why was Zel taking so long to say something?! Xelloss held his breath impatiently. Oh, shit…I've blown it now. Time to drive in the stake, Zel, and put me out of my misery…This is _so_ not fun…

But Zelgadiss did not wish to be intentionally cruel. Before Xelloss could say anything more he answered, "If you think it might help, then…of course I'll come, but I think Daemon should stay with your mother. I wouldn't want to disrupt his plans, which includes going to the beach with Chuckie lots. Xelloss? You hear me?" 

Oh, my…he said yes…he said YES…he said YES! Yes, yes! 'Yes' never sounded so sweet. He said…oops! What did he just say now? "Huh? You will and you want me to do what again?" Xelloss said.

"Give Zelas a call and see if she's free," Zel repeated. Shit, Xelloss, lose your hearing all of a sudden? That was probably a mistake, my giving in so quickly. He'll screw me over somehow again, and I'm just letting him…I am so pathetic…I am _so_ easy….

"Sure, just hold that thought!" Xelloss smiled. Wow, Zel…I don't know what I've done to deserve your trust again. You are making this _so_ easy for me…

Xelloss skipped back from the front room telephone, "She can! She wishes us luck!"

"You mean," Zel raised and eyebrow and gave Xelloss a quirky smile. "She wishes YOU luck. I'm just going along for support."

"Y-Yes, of course," Xelloss murmured with a blush.

~~~~ 

"Zelgadiss, grandson, I haven't seen you here in the shrine for a long time," Rezo smiled and beckoned Zel into his private study.

"I know. I've been busy," Zel sighed and slipped into a chair. He looked up and studied his grandfather's face. "Your eyes are following me."

"You noticed! Yes, the medication is nearly used up and my eyesight is very nearly restored," Rezo said.

"That's terrific!" Zel smiled and jumped up to give the man a hug. "I'm so glad something good came from all of that."

"Do I detect a note of sadness?" Rezo pressured gently.

"Um, well, you'll be glad to hear, I guess that X-Xelloss and I are no longer…boyfriends. In fact up until a few days ago I wasn't sure we were still friends."

"Oh…I…see…" Rezo rubbed his face with his hand. "Well, to be honest…"

Here is comes…Zel thought…the 'I told you so' part…

"The Shrine Priest in me is pleased, but…" he paused to wait for Zel to look up. "…But, the grandfather in me is sorry to hear that. I wish only for my dear grandson to find happiness."

"T-Thank you…" Zel choked out, clearly affected by the sentiment. "I-It hasn't been easy, seeing him everyday and…all. Oh, and don't think it was anyone's fault. I just wanted something more…his commitment…more than he could handle. We're maintaining a friendship now, as much for Daemon's sake as for our own."

"Zelgadiss, you understand that a Mazouku in his position cannot be in a single long-term partnership, marriage or otherwise! I thought you knew that!" Rezo snapped. 

"What? No, I didn't! I mean, I thought that was just a bunch of shrine bullshit to belittle the Mazouku clan. A-And Xelloss never said anything to me like that either!" Zel ran a hand through his messy brown hair and wiped his other arm across his eyes. "No wonder he freaked when I started calling him my perfect match. Would he have to leave his position or something?"

"I cannot say, Zelgadiss, such a thing has never happened, as far as I know, although many are the secrets of the Mazouku," Rezo sighed and followed Zel with his eyes. "You said you wanted some guidance from me when you called earlier?" 

"Yes…but not about my disappointing love-life," Zel managed a slight smile. "Something different. Two something's, actually. All right, the first. I want to do something to help the residents at Gundam Towers."

Rezo perked up. He became more amazed by his grandson's change in character as he continued to speak. "Why them?"

"I've been there. I have a good friend there-- several kids from our school live there. It was…horrible."

"What did you have in mind?"

"That's the problem, I'm not sure. I've spoken to Duo…ah, he's a mutual friend of both Xelloss' and mine…and the most important thing to those kids is their privacy. They need more single rooms, for the older ones especially, and bathrooms, new fixtures, paint, telephones, computers…the list is endless! I'm not sure where to start or how. It's a Mazouku institution, so I can't ask you for the money, but I want to do something."

"All right, let me think about this and get back to you with some names of individuals for you to contact. There are people with the skills to help raise money for good causes. I take it you haven't gone to Xelloss about this? No, well, that's all right. That I can help you with. So, what was the other problem?" Rezo smiled. He felt close to this young man, although at times he wasn't sure if he really understood what was going on in his head. Rezo could tell, though, that Zel was changing swiftly into a man, and a man that he liked and admired. 

"This one is not so easy. And…you won't like it so much," Zel began cautiously. "I want to adopt a child, a baby."

Rezo dropped his pen. Screech! Hold up that the train to adulthood! One crazy kid hopping off! "What? You're hardly more than a child yourself!" he found himself shouting seconds after thinking how grown up Zelgadiss had become.

"Hear me out!" Zel shouted back. They both settled down and Zel continued. "There's this baby, due in fall. I know the parents, but they can't care for it. Strangers will adopt it, if I don't!"

"I see, you know the parents well? Friends of yours?"

"Yes. But I can't tell you more. They aren't married, it's all a secret and their parents would kill them or themselves or worse if they knew."

"Or worse, you say? And, what does Xelloss think of all this? You have discussed this with him, haven't you?"

Zel shook his head, "It's complicated…"

"I am glad you realize that!" Rezo barked. "You have no place for another person in that tiny house of yours, you have no idea how much care a baby takes…"

"24/7," Zel sighed. "I'd have to get full-time help…"

"A nanny, who would live where?" 

"I'd have to enlarge the house…"

"If that's possible…and you haven't mentioned any of this to your _room mate?"_

"No, he a…arranged everything and gets reimbursed when the baby is turned over to paying adoptive parents," Zel admitted.

Rezo chuckled, "Oh, ho, ho…no wonder you haven't asked him to finance the Gundam improvement project, when you're planning to go behind his back and rob him of another investment!"

"Well, when you put it that way…." Zel moaned.

"Not to mention, young man…you are a young man still, seventeen by last count. You are unable to legally sign contracts or adopt children…" Rezo pointed out.

"Unless someone would counter sign for me!" Zel added. "Vurumagen told me that."

"Oh, I see… And you are wondering if I might co-sign the adoption papers for you?" 

Zel nodded.

"And did my old friend have solutions to your space and caretaker problems as well?" Rezo asked.

"Um…not yet. I have to talk to Xelloss, I guess…"

"Yes, you _do_. A baby is a human being, not a toy to fight over or use for some personal vendetta. Oh, I know, you don't think that's what you're doing, but you agree this must be a mutual decision?"

"Even if he's not my…permanent partner?" Zel cried.

"As long as you wish to include the little boy, Daemon, in your life, yes," Rezo answered. "Zelgadiss? Do I know the baby's parents? Are they White Shrine?"

Zel shook his head, "I can't tell you that, grandfather, because if they were, they would be a great deal of trouble and neither they nor their families deserve that humiliation."

Rezo nodded, "Understood. If I were you, I might not trust me either. Well, then…if you have Xelloss in agreement and Vurumagen's assistance in solving those immediate problems, then…crazy old man that I am…I'll co-sign the adoption papers."

"Oh…thank you, grandfather!" Zel burst out of his chair again and shook the old man's hand. "This means everything to me, and some other good people as well."

Giving his only grandson a kind look, Rezo garnered his thoughts for what was to come. "Well, this all comes with a price…"

Zel's face fell. "What?"

"…Which for now entitles me to give you a mild lecture…"

Zel started to breathe normally again.

"**And **for which you will sit and suffer through without interrupting me, understood?" Rezo paused for Zel to nod his acquiescence. "You are young, only just now entering adulthood. Passions run high at this age, why else do you think governments primarily enlist men of your age to train and fight their wars? Or Mazouku choose to recruit those your age and even younger into their fold? It is easy to rile the passions and stoke the fires of enthusiasm for a cause in those without the experiences of life to weigh against the fiery words. You are not ruled by logic, but by your emotions…in youth. With maturity, hopefully, comes wisdom to rule your mind alongside those passions. 

"Clearly your heart is in the right place, Zelgadiss. The causes you have chosen demonstrate that. Helping the unfortunate and friends in need are most worthy ones, which is why I am willing to help you. But… Xelloss is ahead of you in this maturing process. He may…recognize your excitement, even sympathize with you, but…he may not agree with you. He may not want you to get involved in a Mazouku teen home or, more importantly here, he may see your interest in this baby as interference directly in his own plans. He might be very angry and lash out, verbally, I imagine, but he is very powerful! Do not forget that! He's been protecting you from…many unsavory outside forces. He could choose to forsake you completely, and that, my grandson, I cannot save you from this time."

"I-I understand…"

"Actually, I don't think you do or can…but just give it some thought before you take the next step," Rezo sat back and rubbed his temples. It had gone better than he had hoped. Xelloss had worked miracles on his grandson, for him to have sat through that entire lecture without shouting or barreling out of the room.

"I promise to do that," Zel said, standing to leave. "Thank you…"

"Oh, well…if anyone finds out about this, they'll probably want to oust me for feeblemindedness!" Rezo said gruffly then smiled slyly. It was much the same expression as Zelgadiss was giving him. He watched Zel leave the room. "And, Xelloss, thank you, too…"

End. Say It, Sometime Part 2.


	3. Part 3

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 03 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

"I promise to do that," Zel said, standing to leave. "Thank you…"

"Oh, well…if anyone finds out about this, they'll probably want to oust me for feeblemindedness!" Rezo said gruffly then smiled slyly. It was much the same expression as Zelgadiss was giving him. He watched Zel leave the room. "And, Xelloss, thank you, too…"

~~~~ 

Zelas dropped both Zelgadiss and Xelloss at the airport, then swung back to town where she was meeting the Great priest of the White Shrine, and Daemon's 'gampa' for lunch.

"I'm going to miss him," Xelloss revealed to Zel shortly after their airplane took off.

"I should think so…" Zel started to say more harshly than necessary. Then, realizing that it was going to be a long flight to England sitting side-by-side he added meaningfully, "Me, too." 

Xelloss nodded then slipped the headphones over his head, sank back into the seat, and closed his eyes. A very long flight.

Long enough for Zelgadiss to repeat every word he wanted to say to Xelloss, in his head of course, over and over. He would look askance at Xelloss in an attempt to gage his friend's mood. Once or twice, their eyes locked, briefly, then Xelloss would smile slightly and go back to his own world.

Zel wondered what Xelloss was thinking about. The contest, most likely. He seemed guarded, tense, and nervous probably. Even HE was uncertain about the outcome of this competition. He won a place on the team along with four others from Atlas City and Sairaag. All were good, but he was the best. But now he would meet the best from other parts of the world, some of whom he'd played with at music events when he'd lived in Europe. Yes, winning was not certainty this time around. Was that why Xelloss wanted him to attend? Was Xelloss so insecure as that? Xelloss had been practically begging on his knees for Zel to come. Ah, well… after lunch Zel would have his undivided attention.

Xelloss' thoughts were nowhere near as coherent. "Ah, well…Zel's so angry still. Well, it's to be expected since he must believe his dreams have been shattered by 'moi'. That's me, Xelloss the Destroyer, the evil Mazouku. Yet…what am I doing now? Why have I done this? To torture me as well? I wish I could just feed off all this pain and grow a thicker skin already…"

"Your lunch tray, Sir?" The steward repeated. He placed a hand on Xelloss' shoulder to get his attention, then smiled. His sparkling green eyes peeking out from under a shock of unruly black hair. 

"Oh, food, yes! Thank you,' Xelloss smiled and sorted himself out.

"I hope you enjoy your lunch, Sir," the steward said courteously. "And…"

"Oh, here it comes…" Zel sighed. He averted his eyes from the handsome man hovering at his elbow. "Like moths to a flame…"

"And…if there is anything you should like…" the steward ran his hand down Xelloss' arm with a feather-light touch. "Just call. My name's…"

"Dee," Xelloss interrupted him suddenly. "Don't look so surprised. We've met before…I'm an…acquaintance of your boyfriend, Rei. You remember him, don't you? Back in Seyruun?"

Then hand withdrew, but not the smile. "I-I'm pleased you remembered my name, Mr. Metallium. And, I, um…am a day away from a week long vacation with Rei, actually."

"Then, I suggest you play it safe and not do anything that might compromise it," Xelloss smiled, but his eyes flashed a warning signed that Zel could interpret from the other side of the aisle. "Back off!"

Dee, their steward, nodded and left promptly.

Zelgadiss hid a smile. Poor Xelloss, always accosted. What _was_ it about him that attracted _every_ gay guy in the vicinity to his side? And it was clear that this guy wasn't offering him an assortment of cocktail almonds either. Was Xelloss just that _good_? He _was_ a…gorgeous man, sure, but really…a roll in the hay was just that…wasn't it? Zel found that he was staring directly into Xelloss' confused eyes. 

Shit! Zel must think that I have slept with every other man on this planet! No wonder he's looking at me that way. I reject him and… I can't even stand the touch of anyone else now. I am so screwed…

"You got two servings of dessert?" Zel asked. Stupid but effective. It broke the ice. Now maybe they could actually converse.

"Ah, yes, well…must be some mistake. Would you like to share?" Xelloss offered.

"No, I've got plenty, thank you. Besides, I know you like desserts best."

Zelgadiss waited until the lunch trays had been whisked away before diving into his speech. "Xelloss? Can we talk a moment?"

"Hmm? Yeah…"

"I, ah…" Zel hesitated, drew a deep breath, and sighed. "Want to adopt Lina's baby. More than want…I'm set on it. I ah…just thought I'd let you know, in case…" he trailed off as he watched the blood drain from Xelloss' face. "Xelloss? A-Are you all right?"

"Shit, Zel…I wasn't expecting you to say something like that. Adopt? You can't, you're only…"

"Seventeen, I know! I've been keeping track," Zel snapped. 

"You'd have to have a co-signer…"

"I-I have that…my grandfather…" Zel began confidently again.

"What?!" Xelloss nearly screamed. He noticed that they were not in a private world of their own and lowered his voice. "You have told _him_…before asking me?"

"I have to ASK you?"

"Well…yes, kinda…we share a house, my son, and that baby is...my property currently, so yes… You _discuss_ the matter with me before…him!"

"Well, I didn't tell him whose baby it was. I just wanted his support, since I didn't think I'd have yours."

"Why not give me a chance to think about it, huh? You just spring something at me like that and…I gotta think some! Besides…what do you know about babies?"

"What did _you_?" Zel countered. "At least I didn't knock up some girl by someone else's orders to get one. I'm doing this for Gourry and for Lina to some extent. I can't bear the thought of some strangers raising their child. Can't you understand how I feel about this?"

"You'd do that…for them?" Xelloss' voice mirrored his emotions. Zel's concept of friendship was nearly boundless. "Zel…that's…touching…but what makes you think _you_'d be raising that baby?"

"What do you mean? He or she would be living with us, plus a nanny I suppose…"

"Zel! Are you that ignorant? You _are_…I can tell from that look that you have no idea what Rezo will do, do you?"

Zel looked blank. What was Xelloss getting at?

"Ah, well…Zel…if he co-signs the adoption papers and the adoption is completed before you reach legal age, which would happen, then Rezo gets sole custody…the White Shrine gets _exclusive_ custody of the child until you come of age. Zel…that's nearly four years! That child would be fully indoctrinated into the White Shrine by that time!"

"You mean that Gourry's baby wouldn't be mine, but my grandfather's until I'm twenty-one? That…can't be true. He didn't tell me that! He knew what my intentions were and he wouldn't try and deceive me that way."

"Ah, twenty, for Mazouku, but…Rezo… Maybe he hadn't thought of it that way, although, it's hard to think that the head of the White Shrine wouldn't have known that that was a possibility and warn you."

"He did warn me, but of you. He said you might react badly and lash out in some way."

"I _am_ upset, Zel, but not for the reasons you think. I think Daemon might get jealous or feel unwanted or replaceable or something like that. We'd have to include him in every step of the way to make him feel a part of our plan. Our house is truly inadequate…" he stopped to register a tiny flicker in Zel's eye. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm the last to know about all this, hmmm?"

"Well…you haven't been the easiest person for me to talk to lately," Zel inserted gently.

"I know. And I am really sorry, Zel. Really sorry, for everything I've done to contribute to our messed up home life lately. You've been…absolutely terrific, Zel. I had to say it…sometime, and now seems like a good time to tell you how appreciative I am of how…brave…oooh sorry that sounds condescending doesn't it? Of how well you've dealt with everything and all…"

"Does that mean you'll…LET me go through with the adoption?" Zel asked uncertainly. He just couldn't tell with Xelloss.

"Ummmm, yes…" Xelloss smiled, "but with one condition…"

Zel sighed. What was it with all these older controlling men and their stipulations? "Yes?"

"You let me co-sign the papers. High level Mazouku on the council can do that at my age."

"Xelloss!" Zel's face exploded into a rare grin. "You'd do that, for me?! Thank you! This is going to be so great!"

"Ha!" Xelloss chuckled. "You say that _now_…Just wait until the four sleepless nights in a row come and it's _your_ turn to change the baby and clean the baby and feed the baby and walk the baby in circles until you die or the baby falls asleep—least likely possibility..."

Zel beamed, "That will be your turn, I believe… It'll be _your _name on the papers…"

"It will be your money on the line and your _ass_ on the street if you goof off," Xelloss grinned evilly.

"Xelloss…" Zel blushed. "You said that too loudly and it sounded…See? _Dee_ overheard it and now he thinks I'm one of your toy boys!"

Xelloss, however, just giggled, then laughed until tears started flowing. "T-That's not what I meant, but it was a lot funnier!"

"Xelloss! If you don't stop I'm going to have to move to another seat!" Zel said, his indignation clear. That made Xelloss laugh all the harder, this time making Zel break down and smile, chuckle then punch Xelloss to stop. "All right…now…Oh, I just thought of one more thing. Ah, you'll be mad at me for this one…"

Xelloss wiped his eyes on his sleeves and straightened up, "There's more?"

"Ummmm, yes. I, ah, told Gourry about the baby," Zel gulped. Forgiveness is divine, Xelloss…

But, to his surprise, Xelloss simply shrugged. "I know, Zel. Gourry called me, after you rushed off after Duo the other day." Their eyes met meaningfully for a second, then Xelloss broke contact. "Gourry wanted to thank me for helping Lina and he didn't think it would be honorable for him to do anything behind my back. He wants that baby, Zel, for himself."

Zel sighed, "I'm sorry…I told him because I thought it was the right thing to do and…that was right after you…told be about the Kagome setup. I was very hurt, Xelloss. I guess I lashed out in my own way. I promised that he and Lina could have it when they were ready."

"Oh, Zel…" Xelloss looked at him with kind eyes. "Do you think you could give up the baby you raised so easily? How long have you known Daemon? Less than a year and how attached to him are you? Zel…you are one strange guy. You form few close ties, but they consume your devotions. It would kill you to lose that child, think of it! You cling to all your friendships like they are lifelines!"

Zel looked away. Xelloss was right. He couldn't even part from the man by his side who rejected his needy love. How could he hand over a child he'd loved for years to…even friends? "I am such a fool…" He bit off the words individually.

Xelloss rubbed his shoulder with a hand, the first contact they'd had in weeks. "The first step is admitting it," he smirked, then smiled wider, "Then we can work on a solution to solve everyone's problems and not leave me broke!"

"Oh, sure…and what might that be?" Zel asked with skepticism radiating from his body.

Xelloss raised his index finger in the air, smiled, and winked as he quipped, "That…is a secret!"

~~~~ 

Xelloss hesitated outside the door to their room. He hoped the accommodations would be okay with Zel. He hadn't asked him…

"Problem?" Zel asked. He was tired, hungry and impatient to the max. Open the door, already…

Xelloss smiled, "Ah…no…" and opened the door at last.

Zel push past him and dumped his bags on the floor. Two beds. One room, but two beds. Clean, simple, comfortable…Fine. He picked one and pounced, then collapsed. "Wake me to eat, and nothing else, thank you…"

Xelloss smiled, scooted the bags out of the walkway, hung up his own suit bag and sat down to remove his shoes. "You're welcome, Zelgadiss Greywords. I'm taking a shower, so if you need the bathroom first…"

"No, go ahead. Whatever I need to do can outlast your shower. I'm not moving."

Xelloss smiled and stepped into the bathroom to remove his clothes and bathe. He had stopped parading around their house undressed since the breakup occurred. Nudity didn't bother him, but Zel was different. Zel had avoided looking him over even when they were at their closest. He was so easily embarrassed… Xelloss had scanned Zel a few times in the showers after soccer games. Those scars from the car accident that had killed both of Zel's parents were pretty awful, but the well-built, slim figure beneath them was…making Xelloss drool just thinking about it, imagining his hands sliding over those shoulders and down that back…again…oh…good thing he was alone in the shower now…

He emerged clean and relaxed, towel-dried his hair then cracked open the door. He peeked out to find Zel fast asleep where he had fallen on his bed. Xelloss shook his head, "What would Zel think if he knew I thought about him like that? Of all the guys to fantasize about! The one I never had…"

He set an alarm clock, pulled on a pair of boxers, and climbed into his own bed. "Zel…" he whispered as his brain shut down.

The next morning after breakfast, we tottered over to the concert hall where Xelloss signed in and picked up his schedule. 

"Cool…today is free. Tomorrow afternoon I have my first competition. So…what would you like to do?" Xelloss asked.

"I've never been to London. What do you suggest?" Zel asked.

"Well…British Museum for the nerd guy and clothes shopping for the…"

"…Guy unable to match his socks!" Zel chuckled.

"Only that one time! Shit! You'll never let me live that down!" Xelloss whined.

The two had a wonderful time hanging out together again. Xelloss was funny and could engage his more serious friend in pleasant conversation easily. Zelgadiss was very bright and full of interesting information, which he gladly shared with his attentive friend. Xelloss led Zel through the huge museum to his favorite artifacts and Zel regaled him about their history. Zel was on top of the world, floating high above his angst.

"This pub'll do for lunch," Xelloss chortled as they wandered past a few shops.

Zel wondered. "All right, since it seems there are few other alternatives."

Xelloss smiled, "You'll love bangers and meat pies."

Zel did. He drank a half-pint and felt sleepy twenty minutes later. Xelloss walked them to a park, found a shady spot in the shade of an ancient Larch tree, and settled in for an afternoon snooze.

When Zel awoke, he blushed to find his head resting in Xelloss' lap. He sat up abruptly hoping no one had seen. He had only rarely publicly touched Xelloss when they had been a couple, but now… He was very conscious of what others might think. His sudden movement jostled Xelloss, who opened his sparkling eyes and smiled.

"Feeling better? Jet lag plus beer… wow, huh?" Xelloss chuckled. "Ready for shopping?"

Zel nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Yeah…" He could so easily get caught up in those eyes. His heart pounded. He followed Xelloss' eyes across the carefully trimmed lawn to another couple talking together. 

Oh…not talking, kissing and really getting into it. Oh…not a guy and his girlfriend, but two boys! Zel understood that seeing the excitement growing in the guys was far more interesting than the thought of what they were going to do with it. It seemed to be a consistent theme with guys. Once they became aroused, the pursuit of satisfaction was their all-consuming goal. Those two were oblivious to Zel and Xelloss' presence or simply didn't care, so if he didn't get out of there pretty quickly, Zel knew was going to see more than he wanted to! "Better get moving on," he gasped and quickened his pace to the street.

Xelloss ran to catch up to him, "Hey, hold up, okay?" 

Zel didn't. He was embarrassed by their show of affection, missing it himself, and disturbed by Xelloss more than he liked. 

"Whoa, pretty hot and heavy, eh?" Xelloss chuckled. "I don't think they cared if they had an audience or not. We could have stuck around and picked up a few pointers…"

Zel stopped so suddenly that Xelloss crashed into him. "Oops! Sorry!"

"Gods, Xelloss…shut up!" Zel snapped. "I don't want to stick around while two guys go at it in the bushes. It's bad enough that I have to share a room with you for the next few days! Now, just forget it and lets go…someplace."

Xelloss shrank back. So he wasn't particularly happy with the room sharing. Why hadn't he said something earlier? He thought things had been going well. "Mark Spencer's famous for clothes, but there's a cool place this way for the nightlife…"

"Xelloss, where in the world would I wear something like this?" Zel asked. Xelloss had handed him a black mesh shirt and black leather pants with laces up the front.

"Nightclubs. There's one in the neighborhood I've been to, but that was years ago, I think. You need to wear something like that or you'll stand out like a White Shriner in a Mazouku clan event," Xelloss smiled.

Zel stood firm, "I'm not the nightclub sort."

"Ever been to one?"

"You _know_ I haven't."

"Then…how do you know you won't like it if you don't try? Scared?"

Zel thought about it. Yes, he was a little, but he wouldn't tell Xelloss that. "Don't you have to be well rested for tomorrow?"

"HA, ha!" Xelloss laughed. "Don't try and wriggle out of this on my account! Come on, let's go. Everything will be all right!"

Zel sighed, "Gimme those clothes…"

Xelloss chose a form-fitting dark red shirt with low slung pants, and disappeared into his own dressing room.

"Can I see?" he called to Zel. "I'll let you decide if my outfit's okay."

"Fine," Zel mumbled. He opened his door a smidgen and peaked out. "In here."

"Oooooh, nice ass," Xelloss smiled smugly. "You'll have them drooling over ya!"

Zel blushed to his roots. "C-Can you see the scars through this shirt?"

"Nooooo," Xelloss smiled running a finger over Zel's shoulder. "Too dark anyway, in the club. Nice diversion, though. What's wrong? Don't you want to attract some attention?"

Zel shook his head and hid his face in his bangs. _Only yours!_ he thought to himself, then smacked his head into the mirror to clear that away, saying aloud, "No."

"You okay?" Xelloss asked, stepping closer. "So, how about me? Does this outfit scream 'dance with me'?"

Zel hardly dared to look straight at him. Oh, yeah…Xelloss looked great in those flashy clothes and pants that didn't hide anything. "Y-yes. Can we just buy these and go?"

Xelloss smiled. Hmmm, that was an interesting reaction. He sidled up to Zel and lifted his chin with a finger. They were nearly nose-to-nose. "Will you?"

Zel swallowed and took a step backwards, "What?"

"Dance with me?"

"Now?" Zel's eyes looked like two giant pools, watery and deep blue.

"No, silly," Xelloss smiled. "Tonight, at the club? Will you dance with me?"

"I-I don't know, um, yes, if…we aren't the only…you know…guys…" Zel's voice fell off. He was annoyed at how easily Xelloss could get to him like that. "But…I'm sure you'll find plenty of others better than me."

Zel picked up his own shirt, "Um, I want to get dressed now."

Xelloss smiled and left the dressing room, satisfied that Zel had shown signs of some interest still lingering for him. 

End. Say It, Sometime Part 3.


	4. Part 4

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 04 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

Zel picked up his own shirt, "Um, I want to get dressed now."

Xelloss smiled and left the dressing room, satisfied that Zel had shown signs of some interest still lingering for him. 

On the way back to their hotel, they treated themselves to a ride on the top story of a double-decker bus instead of a taxi. Zel wanted to stay in the room awhile and read a book he'd just purchased. Xelloss was a little antsy still, and so he left to ask about any new places to eat and to arrange suit cleaning and laundry for the next couple of days. 

This gave Zel an opportunity to think without Xelloss' presence distracting him. This was the guy he knew when they'd just met, carefree, teasing but attentive, and completely captivating. Why couldn't he just stay mad at the guy? Well, he was his best friend still, wasn't he? But that wasn't all. 

Zel thought about the other two boys he'd seen that afternoon, both so completely involved in one another that they could shut out the rest of the world around them. Wow, speaking of hot! He blushed to think of how they were touching and kissing, then tears sprang to his eyes as he realized how much he missed loving Xelloss the same way. 

Duo. He wasn't attracted to him in the same way, well…just a bit. He and Duo had parted the last time with the 'possibility' of furthering their relationship. No promises. Duo had been so excited that he'd flung his arms around Zel and kissed him hard. Zel had pushed him away, but he was weakening. He needed to fill the void left by Xelloss' departure, and girls were not doing it for him. He had even taken Kiki out for dinner and a movie once, but…without a 'potion' he could only sustain a friendship, no passion. 

Xelloss. Why was he so emotionally tied to that guy? It was a hopeless situation.

Xelloss burst into the room announcing, "I've found a great place for dinner. It's close, like the club, so we can walk to both places!"

"That's easy for you to say," Zel commented dryly. "You seem to know where you're going. To me, one false turn and I'm lost."

"Then you'll have to stick close to me all night!" Xelloss laughed. "You know…if you can put down that book, we can get changed and go now…"

Looking up, he observed the handsome boy's features in the dimming light. Zel overlaid his memory's image of one of the boys in the park with Xelloss's face…then put himself in the picture. His hands moving… craving more…

"Zel?"

"Oh, uh…maybe I'll go shower first," Zel snapped back to attention.

Xelloss made a face, "Why? We're only going to go dancing after and those places are all smoky and sweaty anyway. Come on! Get dressed! I can't wait to see you in that outfit again!"

Zel bounded into the bathroom with his sack of clothes.

A few minutes later, Xelloss tapped on the door. "You okay in there?"

Zel opened the door a crack, "My hair is so awful!"

Xelloss smiled, "Here let me help. I have some gel and can trim it up. Just you see!"

"Sooooo?" Xelloss asked as Zel looked over his new hairstyle. Not much different, but neater and with more punctuated spikes. His ears were more noticeable, adding to the overall effect of 'bad Zel'. 

Zel smiled, "Thanks."

Dinner turned out to be pleasant, mostly because Xelloss wasn't accosted by anyone. The food was only so-so, but Zel hadn't been impressed by anything he'd eaten in London yet, so that hardly mattered. Other kids of ages running from 15 to early 20's were eating there as well allowing Zel and Xelloss to fade into the riot of color some. On their way out, however, Zel felt a myriad of eyes following their progress to the door. He could hear their whispers, too.

"So what were they saying?" Xelloss asked him as they traveled further up the street to the nightclub.

"'Did anyone know us?' A few references to various parts of our anatomy…"

"Both of us?" Xelloss grinned.

Zel blushed and nodded, but said nothing else.

"I told you that was a great outfit on you," Xelloss whispered into his ear, wrapping an arm around Zel's shoulder to hold him steady.

Zel let out his breath and shook his head. What could he do? Xelloss' arm felt so good!

The club was everything Zel thought it would be, and worse. Dark, noisy, and filled with stale air. Additionally it was hot and alive with more males with overactive libidos than Zel knew existed. It was also very exciting. 

After paying an entrance fee and getting a careful once over by the door guards checking id's (fifteen and over only), Xelloss led Zel over to a table. 

"Want something to drink?" To Zel's nod, Xelloss smiled and was soon lost in the crowd at the bar.

Before Zel could make out the music or the name of the band playing through the dim light filtering through the air heavy with smoke, he was confronted by a young man about his age or older.

"Hi, sweetie. You must be new. I haven't seen you in here before. And, believe me…You…I'd remember." The slender tall blond young man slithered around the table and sat in Zel's lap.

Shocked by the blatant forwardness, Zel simply gasped. The stranger had his hands slinking up Zel's shirt before Zel started to push him off.

"I see your hands are full," Xelloss smirked. He was holding a couple glasses of bubbly drink, one in each hand. "I'll just set yours on the table."

The stranger tensed and twisted his head around to look at who was interrupting his 'moment'. "Oh…Why didn't you tell me you were waiting for your date, sweetie? Maybe you'll save me a dance later, hmmm?" He slid off his perch, tweaked Zel's nose and sauntered off.

Xelloss followed the stranger's departure with narrowed eyes, then turned to Zel and smiled, "Sorry to interrupt." 

Zel rubbed his nose and closed his eyes. "That was so embarrassing. It happened so fast. Suddenly he was just…there and I tried pushing him away, then you came. I didn't expect anything like that to happen."

"Apparently not. Try not looking so… artless if you don't want to have every guy looking for 'fresh meat' after you."

"I'm not trying to look any way," Zel said, miffed. He folded his arms and gave Xelloss an arrogant snort.

"That's better!" Xelloss chuckled. "So, drink up."

Zel took a long drink. "See any familiar faces out there?"

Xelloss nodded, "Always. I'm afraid that word will be out soon that I'm here and that I chased off some bitch sniffing around a new hot item. Sorry, your chances of getting hit on won't be so good anymore."

Zel finished his drink, "I didn't come here for that."

Xelloss smiled, "Wanna dance, then?"

Zel nodded. He stood as Xelloss reached for his hand and pulled him to his side. "This way…"

Zel enjoyed the music and dancing with Xelloss. He noticed several envious stares retreat as he stared back. Being with Xelloss was like being with a superstar, and it made Zel both proud and uncomfortable because he knew he didn't compare. He felt out of his element.

Xelloss must have sensed his friend's uncertainty, and so wrapped him in his arms and drew him closer to say, "You look so good, Zel. I'm having a great time."

I am now…Zel blushed. "Me too…" he said.

They separated after a few more songs when the band sat out for a break. Zel to find the men's room and Xelloss to chat up some acquaintances. It was understood that they'd meet back together before it was time to leave. They would leave together, guaranteed.

Leaving the men's room, Zel turned left instead of right. He found that the club had several different rooms offering different kinds of entertainment. Alcohol, drugs, and sex were both sought after and marketed commodities available for a price. Zel passed up many opportunities while searching for Xelloss. "Next time I'm wearing baggy cargos…" he grumbled to himself. "I bet I'm covered with bruises from all the pinches I've received tonight."

He spied Xelloss in the center of a crowd of pretty boys and gleaming studs of various sizes and ages. He hung back in the shadows and watched. Sigh. He felt like a small, brown moth afraid to flutter and flop into the brilliant light amongst the colorful butterflies. What was he doing here? Why had he come? Had he hoped to attract Xelloss as a boyfriend again? That would be ludicrous! He had nothing to offer Xelloss. He should just go back to the hotel. He had come along on this trip to give his friend moral support when he played in the competition, not to try and rekindle a lost-cause relationship. He felt hot tears well up in his eyes, and wiped them away with disgust. Where was that exit anyway?

Zel passed by a group of guys dressed in outlandish leather and chain ensembles. One stepped in his path and smiled. "You look thirsty…"

Zel hesitated. Why not? One drink couldn't hurt and it just might help him handle the disappointment and pain. Taking his silence as his assent, the daring young man introduced himself and handed Zel a partially filled cup. "Here, I'm Tay, by the way. This is my brother Tye."

Zel looked more closely at the two men. Twins. Figures. Taylor. Tyler. He took the cup and tossed it back in a single gulp. "Nice to meet you. I'm Zel."

"Lets dance…" Tay or was it Tye suggested.

Zel looked for a place to get rid of his cup and Tye or Tay took it, saying, "Go on. I'll meetcha out on the floor."

So Zel bobbed to the beat with the first one. The other soon joined them and the three danced. Zel was feeling a bit cramped as they bumped up around him, crushing him between them briefly. He was also beginning to feel a little floaty. That cup had held more than some raunchy alcoholic brew.

"I think someone's looking for you…"

"Um…" Zelgadiss only vaguely answered, his mind reeling from the sensation of Tay's body so close to his, the warmth and the tickle of breath on his ear…the mix of drugs and alcohol entering his system. Overcome with a rush of erotic thoughts, Zel became rooted in place as his mind flew into overdrive. Waves of heat rippled across and over his body. 

"Uh," Tay started to say. He stepped closer pressing against Zel, his arm resting upon Zel's shoulder "Do you see that guy over there?" 

Zel could feel himself trembling and prayed that Tay couldn't feel it. "Y..Yes." Any answer would do, he couldn't see anything his eyes had closed in concentration, feeling the moment. 

When he opened them, he saw the first guy who had accosted him at the table, waving. Then behind him and off to the side, Zel saw Xelloss in the arms of another man dancing close, kissing. 

Zel started shaking violently as he felt his world fall apart. A feeling of claustrophobia crept over him, choking him, bringing on a rush of dread until he was on the edge of hysteria. He felt eyes staring at him and the speaking people around him made no sense at all. The talk floated past as words and phrases without coherence. He turned to run out of the building and back to their hotel. 

Zel stumbled down the street, trying to avoid running into people entering and leaving the busy pubs when he realized he was moving in a blind panic. He forced himself to stop, take some deep breaths, and get a hold of himself. Zel had experienced a panic attack before, but knowing what it was, just seemed to make it worse. Looking around, he saw an empty bench near an entrance to the underground (train), walked over and sat down. He needed to think, but the combination of drugs and alcohol had fuzzed his brain too much.

~~~~ 

Xelloss broke the kiss and pushed the brute off him abruptly. "Never. Do. That. Again!" he shouted. "Now where's Zel gone off too? He must have seen that. Argh!" Xelloss pushed past the dancers, working his way to the exit while scanning the crowd for any sign of Zelgadiss. He found The 'T-ler' brothers and questioned them. Tay pointed to the door and Xelloss made a beeline for it. Outside he checked himself, looking right and left… Where had he gone? He couldn't have disappeared that fast! Okay…think… Xelloss held his breath and concentrated. To the left…that felt 'right'. He hoped his 'Zel-sense' was working right that night!

Breathing a slight sigh of relief, Xelloss found Zel slumped forlornly on a bench. Xelloss checked his pulse and eyes. Rapid. Dilated. Super! He yanked the zoned-out kid to his feet, draped Zel's arm over his shoulders and wrapped his own around Zel's waist to support him, then headed them the short distance back to their hotel and soon to their room. 

Once in their room, he gave Zel a push, then laid back on his bed to think. Zel stumbled to his bed, removed one shoe then keeled back onto his pillows giggling and crying intermittently. 

As he became calmer, Zel suddenly felt completely drained of energy. The physical exertions of the night and the mixed chemical blast to his body, all combined with the emotional roller coaster ride he was still swept up in took it's toll. Zelgadiss was soon fast asleep on his bed, oblivious as Xelloss left the room and closed the door behind him. 

When Zel woke again, he could tell it was a little after breakfast time by the angle of the sunlight streaming weakly through their window and the persistent rumbling in his stomach. He was immediately filled with nervous excitement about any confrontations, but he knew they would come sooner or later. With a deep sigh, he figured he might as well get up and face Xelloss.

Xelloss had just showered. He was towel drying his hair and wearing his underwear. "You up? How are you feeling?"

Zel shrugged, "Barely and awful. Done in there? I'll take a shower then, too."

He felt better when he emerged from the bathroom. Xelloss, he noticed was already dressed in his slacks and white shirt. He was knotting his tie expertly in a mirror above his bed.

"Want to talk about last night?" Xelloss asked without turning his eyes away from the task at hand.

"No. I'd rather eat. We have time, don't we?"

Xelloss nodded. "Yes. We'll get lunch then return for my violin. It's in the hotel safe. Here, let me get that tie for you…" Xelloss smoothed the collar and adjusted the shirt first, then quickly fixed Zel's tie. "There, now grab your coat and…be sure you switch you wallet and stuff."

"Yes, mother…" Zel muttered but followed his instructions anyway.

~~~~ 

Xelloss competed in two groups that afternoon, and made the first cut both times. He qualified for the final competitions the next day and day after. Out of 1000 hopefuls, only 400 would be invited to contest in Germany in a few weeks. Zel waited and listened patiently to the music. After the riotous noise of the night before, the violin concertos were soothing. He blotted out all introspective deliberations and simply lived for the moment. He caught Xelloss' eye as he stood to perform. They exchanged knowing smiles, then Xelloss raised his violin to his shoulder and played. Who was that man up there on the stage? He had so many facets, all different, some good, others nearly evil. Did he really know Xelloss at all?

It was a grueling schedule, leaving little time for much sightseeing or nightlife. That was just as well. Zel was happy to venture out on short sorties alone and savor the London he could and wait for more adventurous treks with Xelloss when the judging was over. They ran up to the concert hall after the last musicians were judged to check the final lists. Xelloss had made it! One of the fortunate 400 to move on to the next level contest in Cologne, Germany!

That night Zel treated Xelloss to a celebration dinner at the best restaurant he had been able to ferret out that week.

"Indian?" Xelloss questioned Zel as they entered the small family-owned business.

"Yes. They are very nice people and the food is wonderfully spicy. I think you'll like it. And the owner's daughter has promised something special for us tonight." Zel's eyes sparkled.

"Okay…"

The proprietor brought out a sixteen-course rice table assortment fit for royalty. They tasted every dish, some Xelloss loved, a couple they both avoided after one bite, but Zel liked nearly everything that was served. When the simple dessert of cheese balls in rose petal syrup was served, the entertainment began.

"Belly dancers!" Xelloss giggled inanely. "How thoughtful, Zel!"

"It wasn't my idea…" Zel smiled "…_originally_. Ah, that one, the smaller one with the long hair, is the owner's daughter. She usually has waitress duty in the afternoons. Wave, Xelloss."

"Does she expect us to stick money in her…skirt thingy?" he whispered to Zel.

"No. It's all taken care of. Just sit back and relax…and enjoy the show," Zel smirked.

Xelloss stuck out his tongue at his friend. "I _can_, you know, appreciate cute girls dancing half-naked like that."

"Good," Zel smiled. "Her brother doesn't dance. He's cooking in back and is a skinny, whiny little bastard."

They both laughed and finished off their desserts while watching the exotic dancers writhe and sway to the music. 

"Thanks, Zel, that was really special. A first for me! We'll have to get an Indian cookbook and try a few of those dishes, don't you think?"

"Already taken care of," Zel said. "Bought and packed in my suitcase along with a few packets of the more hard-to-get spices and the owner's name and address in case there's something we can't find in Seyruun. He told me to just call. He does phone orders for stuff all over the world, apparently."

"Cool…" Xelloss smiled. "Um, Zel?"

"Yes?" Zel answered as they started walking back to their hotel room.

"It wasn't what you thought."

"What?" then Zel remembered. Xelloss kissing that guy… "It's all in the past, Xelloss."

"You were slipped drugs by Tay. Sky, the guy you saw me with, was meant to hold me up so they could get to you. I figured out seconds too late and when I tried to get your attention, he grabbed me and… kissed me. I nearly punched his lights out! Honest! Next thing I knew, you were gone." Xelloss stared earnestly into Zel's face. "I was worried to death something awful had happened to you. You have know idea how relieved I was to find you before… Why did you run off like that, Zel?"

"I-I felt crazy! I was so…jealous. Stupid, I know, I guess…" Zel cleared is throat. "I'm not really over you and it hurts me everytime I'm reminded of what is irrevocably gone from my life."

"Oh, Zel…" Xelloss murmured.

Then Zel began to cry, and he turned to hug Xelloss right there in the street outside their hotel. He couldn't restrain himself any longer. Zel's slender body heaved with sobs, he squeezed Xelloss firmly to his chest. Tears fell from Zel's face and rolled down to his neck and shoulders. Xelloss wrapped his arms around his friend while Zel wept as if his heart was breaking. Zel cried for himself, he cried for Xelloss, and he cried for anybody who knew what it was like to be in love with somebody who could never love them back. They stayed locked in an embrace for almost five minutes, until Zel's sobs finally grew quieter. 

Xelloss patted his back and led him into the hotel and back to their room. His determination to complete his assignment faltered. He questioned his orders. He was having second thoughts. Good thing they were going home.

End. Say It, Sometime Part 4.


	5. Part 5

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 05 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

Then Zel began to cry, and he turned to hug Xelloss right there in the street outside their hotel. He couldn't restrain himself any longer. Zel's slender body heaved with sobs, he squeezed Xelloss firmly to his chest. Tears fell from Zel's face and rolled down to his neck and shoulders. Xelloss wrapped his arms around his friend while Zel wept as if his heart was breaking. Zel cried for himself, he cried for Xelloss, and he cried for anybody who knew what it was like to be in love with somebody who could never love them back. They stayed locked in an embrace for almost five minutes, until Zel's sobs finally grew quieter. 

Xelloss patted his back and led him into the hotel and back to their room. His determination to complete his assignment faltered. He questioned his orders. He was having second thoughts. Good thing they were going home.

Zel stood with his back to Xelloss, looking out the window of their room. Xelloss wanted to talk more, but knew Zel needed time to recover his last remaining shreds of dignity. Finally Zel cleared his throat and said, "I-I know why you can't make commitments. I-I mean, if you found someone you really cared to stay with, that is…not meaning me, but anyone…"

"You…do?" that piece of information caught Xelloss off guard. 

"I didn't know that Mazouku clan council members must remain… unattached, er…single…or at least not maintain monogamous relationships. You should have told me that time you stayed over at the shrine and I learned you were Mazouku. It might have seemed presumptuous at the time, but…you led me on, when you knew what would happen in the end."

Xelloss gasped, "Who told you all that?"

"Rezo," Zel answered curtly. "It's true?"

"Partially. Zel, I need to talk to you about the Mazouku. Sit down here, please," Xelloss said quietly.

Zel sighed and pulled away from the window and took a seat on his bed across from Xelloss. "I'm listening."

"Remember the council meeting where you became Mazouku? Yeah, of course you would. Well, not everyone there was a happy camper. There are many factions in the clan united under Shabrinigdo."

"Like Nuriko's Suzaku Seven?"

"Yeah. Well, there are those who are even less friendly. Remember the man sitting near Zelas?"

"Dynast? He was giving her a hard time. They are enemies?" Zel asked. Finally, some real information! 

"More like competitors. That kid who glomped you right off the minute I walked away to get us drinks was his newest minion. Tay and Tye and Sky, the guy hassling me…"

"Fondling and kissing…" Zel corrected archly.

Xelloss frowned, "THEY are Dynast's as well. The minute I lost track of you after you went to the bathroom, they were tracking you. I noticed but didn't know it was you they were after, not until you'd downed that drink—which was a really stupid thing for even YOU to do, Zelgadiss!"

Zel flinched, "I know, I know…I should have known better…"

"Look at this…" Xelloss pulled out a small baggie of his pocket. "Smell it and taste it…tiny amount…Cut it with alcohol and you have a Mazouku cocktail."

"Date-rape drug," Zel gasped. "No wonder I felt so spacey!"

"You are so lucky that was all!" Xelloss said. "I spotted you there 'dancing' with the brothers and knew you were in trouble and didn't suspect anything. Sky intercepted me, as you saw, that other kid—whose name I don't know…yet—signaled them… You have know idea what they were up to, do you?"

Zel blushed and shook his head, "I'm getting the picture…"

"You were in danger! Tay couldn't figure out those ties on your pants—you can thank me later for choosing those—or you would have been wearing them around your ankles!" Xelloss shouted.

Zel, crushed, slumped face down onto his bed, "And I thought…"

"But," Xelloss's voice softened and he moved over beside Zel and rubbed his back. "You showed them." He paused a moment to let the compliment sink in. "And surprised me. I don't know how you broke through the drugs, but you did. You were outta that place so fast, you were a blur! They were looking around on the floor…" he started to giggle.

"No…" Zel chuckled.

"Yes!" Xelloss laughed. "That shamanist training must have kicked in automatically. Mind over matter or something like that. You got past four of Dynast's lackeys, Zel! I bet word has gotten back to Zelas already! She'll owe you big!"

Zel's eyes grew wide, "Real-ly…" Then he smiled a cunning smile, "Good…"

"What?"

"Oh, just thinking of a little project I have in mind…" Zel closed his eyes. She'll owe me and Dynast will want to get on my good side. Gundam Towers, there is hope.

"Do I want…or need to know about this…project?" Xelloss asked slowly creeping up closer to Zel.

"Not yet," Zel smirked. To change the topic, he asked, "So what time does the plane take off tomorrow?"

Xelloss rolled away from Zel and off the bed to check the tickets in his bag. "Afternoon…but, how about we change these to the day after and go someplace historical?"

Zel's eye's lit up. Historical… "Whose history?"

"Mazouku clan versus the Cephied Believers. A holy war monument, and a great salad bar!" Xelloss grinned.

Zel pointed to the telephone, "See about the tickets first, then call Zelas."

"Ever so practical, Zel," Xelloss smiled.

~~~~ 

The next day found the boys bouncing along on an unventilated bus to Stonehenge, largest remaining stone ruins of what had once been a string of temples worldwide. It was an unusually warm summer and none of the old country buses had air conditioning.

"This was where the two brothers, Cephied and Shabrinigdo ended their collaboration forever. Their two armies battled for five days neither willing to give way to the other…until," Xelloss took a deep breath and swept the air with an arm. "Until, Shabrinigdo threw his sword and slay his own brother, Cephied, whose generals, in turn hacked Shabrinigdo into seven pieces and buried them, one on each continent." 

Zel shivered, despite the heat. 

"Or so it's said," Xelloss smiled. 

"So, Filia's people, Gourry's, and…ours were once unified?" Zel asked. "I never knew that. Grandfather never told me that story."

"I sure he knows it, but few acknowledge it and no one talks about it," Xelloss pushed Zel along the path to join the tour. "Even now, they pretend it never happened and tell some fairytale about 'druids' or some such nonsense. Listen…"

Zelgadiss listened intently to the mock-scientific garbage the guide re-hacked and spouted as 'the truth', and smirked. "So, next you're going to tell me that there's no Santa Claus?"

Xelloss smiled, "Of course there was, but his name was pronounced Sha-bri-nig-do and instead of reindeer, he harnesses young dragons to a chariot… OW!"

Xelloss rubbed his arm where Zel had playfully punched his arm and chuckled, "No, really…that I made up, but…one thing that is true…" Xelloss paused and caught Zel's eye with his own. "Never have the followers of Cephied and Shabrinigdo been reunited…since that time…in spirit…in body…in heart…never bonded."

Never bonded…like us! He means like US! Zel stood riveted in place as a shiver of understanding rippled through him. WE…can't be…

"Come on," Xelloss broke the spell, "You should see this close up before the bus leaves."

For lunch, Zel had to suffer another bus ride in the sweltering conditions to the town of Bath. There, Xelloss threaded their way through twisting narrow streets to a small restaurant. For a single price, you could prepare your own all-you-can-eat plate from the assortment at the salad bar. Zel and Xelloss piled it on as only two starving teenagers (or just barely older) could do. That, plus a couple of ice-less drinks and a basket of rolls to round out the meal, kept them busy for the next twenty minutes. They finished eating and had time for a quick tour of the famous ancient Cephied bath house, now a shrine housing sacred water. Ah, well…

On the trip home the next day, Zel had plenty of time to think about everything Xelloss had told him. He remembered how Xelloss had not wanted them to get involved in the first place, how he'd tried to leave him the first time. It was he, Zel, who had chased his friend and then glommed onto his son, practically forced the living situation… Xelloss had known that they should never have been tried. Zel even understood why Xelloss couldn't have pre-warned him, but to have used Kagome—that still made him mad to think about. Zel sighed and looked over at the sleeping young man in the seat beside him. Mad, but he could at least forgive him. Could he move on with his life now? Duo was certainly ready, willing, and able to step into the 'boyfriend' role and Amelia into the 'girlfriend' one. Zel stroked Xelloss' hair. So soft and silky. Could he ever again love any one as much?

~~~~ 

"Xelloss?" Zel called on his way out of the sunroom. His friend was sorting clothes to take to the laundry. "When's the next clan council meeting and how does one get on the agenda?"

Xelloss stood up from the basket and looked aghast at his friend. "You make it sound like a ladies bridge party, Zel! Are you asking me to put you into the schedule for the next upcoming meeting in fall or would you like one called in the next week or two? Or is this all hypothetical?"

"I have a request to place before the council as soon as possible. Could that be arranged?" Zel said as he walked into the room with a couple towels he'd collected from the bathroom.

"Yes…I could do that… Would you like to share your thoughts with me?"

"No," Zel smiled and dropped the towels on the growing collection of 'whites' on the floor. "Thank you," he added. "Just call it and tell me when, all right?"

Xelloss nodded, "You want me to trust you not cause me some kind of embarrassment, right? Let me remind you that these emergency meetings are for just that—important matters that can't wait."

Zel glanced at Xelloss, then said, "It's important and can't wait until fall."

"Okay, then…I'd better call Zelas and get the ball rolling tonight. Oh, and…be prepared. They are a tough group and hate to have their playtime interrupted." Xelloss issued the warning, then picked up the telephone to place the momentous call.

To say that Xelloss was curious would have been a terrible understatement; he was monstrously curious. He made inquiries, surreptitiously of course, amongst Zel's friends and got no where fast. Zel had spent a great deal of free time over at the Gundam Towers and at the Gabriev's since they had returned from England. It was frustrating. He really wanted to help Zel prepare for the meeting, but he knew that he couldn't/shouldn't. This was an important step for Zel to take. He needed to demonstrate that he could play with the big boys. But that didn't stop Xelloss from spying, prying, and becoming a nuisance.

"So…going out tonight?" he asked Zel.

"Yes. Daemon is staying over at Chuckie's so you are free as well."

"I see…So…"

"So?" Zel asked. What was with Xelloss? "What's on your mind?"

"I was wondering…if I could come along?"

"I'm meeting guys over at Gundam Towers."

"Duo?" Xelloss raised an eyebrow in question.

"Yes. There's a pool hall nearby and some of the kids there are having a tournament. You can come…bring Nuriko, if you want," Zel said lightly. 

"Okay…I'll do that," Xelloss smiled. 

He left the sunroom to place a call to Nuriko, frowning. Zel's independent streak was beginning to get to Xelloss. Zel had admitted his continued attraction to him, but it seemed that Zel had found the strength of character to give up on him, even when they were living under the same roof! That was good, wasn't it? Yes. Just dandy. The trouble was, Xelloss was drawn to Zelgadiss more than ever and he was having a hard time controlling himself. And, curiosity killed the cat—he couldn't forget that! He was afraid to learn what Zel was up to. What if he had found a way to detach himself from Xelloss and Daemon? To become an independent, like Vurumagen?! That was it! He's planning to go to the council and request a severance of their agreement! Of course! Why hadn't he thought of that before?! Since he had instigated the conditional bonding in the first place, Zelgadiss could file for a closure! Oh, no…that wasn't in the plans at all! Argh!!

Xelloss stood by Nuriko a smile plastered on his face and occasionally he whispered observations in his ear. 

"I don't believe he and Duo have anything going on," Nuriko whispered back. "But…Duo's been veeeeery happy lately."

Xelloss frowned. "I thought he and that other kid…Yui…Heero were a couple these days."

Nuriko smiled and shook his head, "When Zelgadiss tapped Duo on the shoulder, I think Dou would have dropped his best friend…even his pants right there in the school cafeteria…if Zel'd asked." Nuriko chuckled at Xelloss' smirk. "Okay, so what's really bothering you tonight, Xelloss?"

"Zel's call a special clan council meeting."

"Oh, really?" Nuriko was caught off-guard at that news. "What for, he tell you?"

"No, he didn't and…"

"…And you're too proud to ask, gotcha," Nuriko chuckled again.

Xelloss folded his arms over his chest and glowered at Nuriko. "I shouldn't have to! He should tell me! But…I think I've figured it out."

"And?"

"I think he's going to dissolve out contract."

"No!" Nuriko gasped. "He'd never give up Daemon, would he?"

"No, never! But…Oh…forget about how **_I_** must feel about it, huh?" Xelloss replied scornfully. He was too close to giving away all the troubles of his heart. He lowered his chin, hiding his face his bangs. "That didn't come out right," he added quickly.

"I see..." Nuriko pushed Xelloss further away from the crowd of pool players, to a darkened corner. "Tell me, or not, but at least think about what I'm gonna say if you won't… Just how do you see yourself in, say… six or seven years?"

Xelloss looked up in silence. Nuriko continued. "Okay, here's my vision. Zelgadiss is an independent Shamanist, out of college working…at something, maybe a graduate student. Okay so far? Right. Your son is living with him, a happy well-adjusted 13 year old going to middle school and playing soccer and…get the picture? Zel would have matured enough to handle a real relationship and has a wonderful man to share his life with." 

Nuriko paused, waiting for Xelloss to meet his eyes before continuing, "That man could be you or not. It's entirely up to you. You could be alone roaming around the country doing… whatever… sitting on the council…bedding little boys, if that's what you like…"

Xelloss shot him a glare that faded on reflection. Nuriko was right, to a point. "Except that my choices are more limited than you think."

"If you say so," Nuriko looked over at the boys jostling for position around the pool table. "They are most certainly limited by time."

Zel lost all his games and bets, but good sport that he was, he congratulated the winners and paid up without complaining. 

"So, Duo, Zel…" Nuriko caught their attention for a second. "Care to join us for dessert someplace?"

Duo deferred to Zel, naturally, who in turn agreed without hesitation. If Xelloss wanted to prove his independence, then so could he, and if 'double dating' was his way… then so be it! 

Xelloss nearly did a double take! He was sure that Zel would say no. Could he be comfortable around Zel if he and Duo—gods forbid—kissed or anything? With great trepidation, he followed Nuriko to his car, leaving Zel to ferry Duo alone to meet up together at the restaurant.

"I'm sorry…" Xelloss groaned, closing his eyes and leaning his head back onto the car seat while Nuriko drove. "I'm not much of a 'date' am I?"

"I'm not complaining," Nuriko smiled. "Just being seen with you is pretty thrilling. I mean, all eyes turn your way, and sometimes a few stray to me. Besides, I'm not into the long-term bonding thing so I can accept you as a friend and sleep with you if you ask."

"Not interested…"

"So _I've_ noticed, but no one else has noticed, _so far_…Duo, maybe, since he hangs out with me when you or Zel are off together. We're very good at keeping secrets, too."

"It's just…" Xelloss started up ignoring Nuriko, "…not the same anymore. I just want him…so much…"

"You're right, you're not a very good date," Nuriko sighed and parked the car. "Xelloss."

"What?"

"We're here, but first…"

"What?"

"When's that council meeting?"

"Tomorrow night."

"Hmmm, doesn't give you very much time, does it?"

"No." Xelloss sat up and opened the door.

"Better get your mojo workin'!"

"I promised him no Mazouku magic shit."

"So, you have to win him on your goodness and charm alone? Ha! That won't work on Zelgadiss! You'd better think hard, not long…HARD, about what you want, what he wants, and what you are willing to give up to get him," Nuriko warned his friend.

"I-I don't think so. I don't think it is at all possible."

"Then, my friend, this will be fun. Watching you hand Zelgadiss over to Duo right before my eyes!" Nuriko quipped, wrapped his arm around Xelloss' waist, and pulled him into the restaurant.

End. Say It, Sometime Part 5.


	6. Part 6

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 06 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

"I-I don't think so. I don't think it is at all possible," Xelloss spat.

"Then, my friend, this will be fun to watch you hand Zelgadiss over to Duo right before my eyes!" Nuriko quipped, wrapped his arm around Xelloss' waist, and pulled him into the restaurant.

Zel and Duo were seated side-by-side at a booth holding menus when Xelloss and Nuriko entered. Zel watched as Xelloss shrugged the younger boy's arm off and scan the room for him. Zel stood up to get their attention. 

When he resumed his seat, he noticed that Duo had scooted closer. He could feel the boy's warmth and smell his soap or shampoo on his hair. Duo's hair was really long. Once, when he'd picked Duo up for a ride to a movie, Duo's hair was still damp from the shower and he was combing it out. Dark reddish brown, thick and past his ass. He'd only taken a minute to re-braid it, but Zel had had the strangest desire to reach out and touch it. He was feeling something like that now, with the cute guy sitting so near. Zel could hear him breathing, his heartbeat, his voice…

"What?" Zel coughed.

"I was asking if you were going to get food as well, or just a snack?" Duo grinned. A nice open smile…

"Ah…I don't know yet…" Zel muttered.

Xelloss and Nuriko jostled for position, Nuriko won out, if sitting across from Zel had been his objective. It wasn't. He slid over, allowing Xelloss plenty of space to either snuggle up to him or glower at Duo.

Xelloss simply smiled and made pleasant conversation, which eventually came around to the council meeting.

"Yes. I'm ready for tomorrow. A bit nervous, but…" Zel smiled apprehensively sideways at Duo.

"Oh?" Xelloss smiled.

Duo cut off anything else he might have said with his own comment, "I hope everything goes as planned, Zel. I'll have my fingers crossed for us."

Xelloss had to concentrate to swallow his spoonful of ice cream and not spit it out. Duo knew?! "Y-You told him and not me?" Xelloss sputtered.

"Yes, of course," Zel said casually. "It affects him more than you. Besides, you are on the council. I didn't want to be accused of trying to sway the vote through you, although I understand all kinds of underhand methods have been employed in the past. I really want this to go through. It would be best for everyone involved." He held Xelloss' startled gaze for a few seconds. "I won't say anything more on the subject."

Well, that sealed it for Xelloss. He was certain that their mutually beneficial agreement was about to be severed. But…how about Daemon's role? "But, shouldn't Daemon be included?" he said in a low voice.

"I can't see that he'll be affected one way or the other, but I might, if you'd like. I'll talk to him tonight and get his opinion," Zel nodded and tried to steer the conversation in another direction.

"Ah…" Nuriko interrupted. "Just to clarify for a second, Zel… Will Xelloss need ride over and back or will you be taking him?"

"We can go together, but if I lose because of him, he'll wish he'd found another ride," Zel said seriously, then gave Xelloss a little twisted smile, that continued to drive a little knife into his heart and twist some more. 

When Nuriko dropped Xelloss off at Gourry's to pick up Daemon, he said in closing, "Give me a call, please, tomorrow. Promise? Xelloss, I really care…"

Xelloss managed a curt nod before he slammed the door and ran up the walkway to the large Gabriev home.

"Oh, hello, Xelloss," Gourry's mother said politely. She could be polite, but offered no warmth to this young man who'd hurt Zelgadiss so terribly. "Daemon's on his way…just helping put away a few toys. So…We're all so proud of Zelgadiss and think he's doing the right thing, don't you?"

Xelloss blanched. They knew, too?! Zel told them and not him? "I'm on the council so he hasn't mentioned anything to me concerning his…proposal. I guess you could say that I will be the last to know."

Her smile drove Zel's little knife in a little deeper still. "Probably best that way. He deserves the chance to do something like this and turn his own life around. I pray you don't…try to stop him. Oh, Daemon…your father's waiting at the door. Better take him home. Tomorrow's going to be an big day for you all."

Xelloss thanked her for taking care of Daemon and left with his son. It was a very sad night for him. Zel was getting out of his car as they approached the driveway. 

"Hey, how's my little guy, eh?" Zel smiled. "So, I guess I need to fill you in on tomorrow, Daemon. How about you and I take a short walk around the block and talk together while your dad showers, all right?" 

Xelloss rushed his shower and dove into bed. He wanted to wake up and get the whole ordeal over with then…go away…far away…

~~~~ 

The Mazouku Clan Council meeting began exactly on time. Everyone wanted to get it over and be gone. It was summer vacation, after all!

Zelgadiss was called to speak. He was first, and the only one on the agenda.

"I'm passing out a proposal for all of you to look over. I'll tell you what it's about, but this is your copy to keep and check the numbers, if you're into numbers," Zel began.

Xelloss looked at the title and gasped. Then he felt a giggle begin in the core of his being. He tried to scan the document at the same time stifle his need to dance on the table. 

By page two he started to snort and convulse enough that his mother gave him a deadly stare and said, "Obviously you had no hand in all of this, but would you please try and show some respect to the boy who _has_ put a great deal of his time and energy into preparing his proposal?"

He couldn't tell her that he wasn't laughing at the paper, but that he was so relieved by it. When he looked up, Zel was glaring at him. That helped to sober him up pretty quickly.

Zel, who before Xelloss' noise stopped him, had been speaking and now continued, "I was shocked to find kids my age living in third-world like conditions at the Gundam Towers Projects. Then when I discovered that it was a Mazouku-run operation, I knew I had to own up to my responsibility and do something about it. Now…as you can see on page three…there are the estimates for the work needed. To replace the entire building at today's costs came in at about…4.5 Million#'s. Yes, quite a bundle. To correct the code violations and do basic upgrades, the estimate comes in at under 100 Thousand#'s. Not bad, but I think that we should do more. Those kids have nothing! They need computers, games, and sports, not to mention the number one request…privacy. On page four you can see the prioritized list with costs. Now, I understand the White Shrine is interested in taking over the entire operation and…"

"The White Shrine is willing to pour hundreds of thousands of #'s into fixing up the project?" An attractive lady with flowing blue hair shouted out. "I don't believe it!"

"I didn't say they'd restore the projects, they would take over the entire building, kids included. Give them proper homes, convert the building, and in time…convert them!" Zel flipped to another page to continue.

"This is a great deal of money, Mr. Greywords," Zelas spoke up. "I'm interested in knowing why you chose a White Shrine company to do the estimates, when a Mazouku one might have given you a better deal?"

"I chose Gabriev Construction Company because I have had first hand experience with them and I trust them completely to do the job, on time, on budget, and with the highest level of competence possible. They are worth every penny," Zel said. "I have no other ulterior motivations, I can assure you."

"If there are no further questions at this time," Dynast said, "I'd like to call a break so I can look over these numbers. Say twenty minutes? Then I may have a few more questions. Is that all right with the rest of you?" Everyone nodded. "Very well, we'll meet back here in say…half an hour…I need some coffee, too."

Xelloss scarcely even looked at the document. He was walking on air. He had been wrong about his friend, again. Zelas' sharp admonishment grounded his attention. "Pay attention when I'm talking to you, young man!"

"Say what, mother dearest?" he grinned.

"I was telling you how impressed everyone has been with the training you've done. They knew Zelgadiss had shown considerable progress from that first meeting, when he demanded position and your son in return for his defection, but today…"

Dynast interrupted them with words of his own, "I hadn't believed the reports from my own operatives in London a week ago. He out maneuvered both Taylor and Tyler, not to mention my novice who has proven to be very talented in the recruitment area."

Xelloss demurred, "I think his shaman instructor has done as much for him as myself.'

"And who put them together, eh, my boy?" Dynast smiled. He had personally trained Xelloss at one time and so took some pride in his conquests. "No, you've done very well by the boy. I had wind of a plot by the shriners to try to suck up some of our operations-- Gundam towers among them. In this way, your boy has stopped them cold, given us a terrific PR campaign—I can see it now…Mazouku takes on overhaul of Gundam Towers project at great cost to themselves to make the world a little better for the youth, our future—and he uses a shriner company to boot! Genius, simply genius! And you had no idea he was up to this?"

Xelloss shook his head, "Nooo…"

"And he's sneaky… I like him a lot. Good job, Xelloss!" Dynast snorted.

"So, your work is done. That means its back to recruiting for our all-time leading…" Zelas interrupted.

"I'm not done with him. There is one more…activity to close in fall. Then, we'll see. Recruiting…I'm thinking something else for me," Xelloss said quietly.

"No…" Dynast gasped.

"I'm thinking…a change is in store, but I'm not prepared to discuss that right now. I wish to read this carefully prepared document," Xelloss smirked and bowed off.

Zelas' outlook darkened. She didn't like surprises, especially from her son. She'd have to have a long talk to him concerning his future, and soon.

The council reconvened a few minutes later. There were a couple questions, which Zel answered, then his submission was put to a vote. That process took all of thirty seconds; All in favor say 'aye'…there were no 'nays'. Zelgadiss had his project approved for up to one million #'s in upgrades and improvements. He was to keep the council posted on a regular basis, but other than that, it was his baby to oversee. He was…elated and overwhelmed by the enormous responsibility left to a seventeen-year-old. Xelloss agreed to co-sign any-and-all legal documents, and the deal was done. All adjourned. See you in fall!

"Your Grandfather still has Daemon for a few hours. Wanna go out and celebrate?" Xelloss asked eagerly.

"You want to?" Zel smiled. "Sure, just you and me, right?"

"Yes…" Xelloss smiled as they waved to Zelas and turned back to Zel's car. "We have plans to make…France…Germany…"

"All right," Zel blushed at the urgency with which his former boyfriend spoke. "But it doesn't have to be all business, does it?" Oh, no…he didn't mean that to sound like he was expecting some romantic stuff! Though, it would be nice…

"I hope not! All work and no play makes us very dull boys!" Xelloss laughed, opened the car door and slid into the driver's seat. "My turn to take you someplace different, okay?"

Zel tossed him the keys, "Fine with me."

It was the late in the warm summer afternoon when Xelloss parked at the vista viewpoint. The overlook was further up the small hill the Mayor's home, as well as where a few other of the wealthiest families in Seyruun lived. From the small parking strip, drivers could enjoy the panorama of the greater Seyruun City-state. Zel showed Xelloss how to retract the roof and then they both sat and stared out across the landscape.

"Nice. What are we doing here?" Zel asked curiously.

"I wanted a place to talk to you…uninterrupted and in private until all is said and things are settled between us," Xelloss turned his face to Zel's, "You know, to clear the air a bit."

"What's left _to_ say that hasn't been hashed and rehashed by us already?"

Xelloss smiled sympathetically. "First, you really impressed everyone today. They wanted to give me credit for training you so well, but I corrected that misunderstanding, telling them that I believed Vurumagen has influenced you more."

"How magnanimous of you. Thanks. I wondered what Dynast meant by asking if this was the end of my training."

"Mazouku training isn't like school. I've never done this before. And…I don't think I'm cut out for it," Xelloss admitted.

Zel looked his friend over. "What?"

"That Kagome thing. That was…I used that for the 'toughening' training exercise. You know, break you from forming strong commitments…learn to dissolve relationships…get used to it. The problem was…you did, but in a way that was unexpected. I'm not experienced enough and…I wanted you to hurt me back in a way I understood. In a way I could feel good about it!"

"Huh?"

"Hit me, kick me out! I needed pain! But…you didn't give it to me that way. Instead I felt guilty and…like my own heart got torn out and stomped on…"

"Wouldn't that be painful?" Zel asked Xelloss dubiously.

Xelloss shook his head. "Wrong kind of pain, Zel. Seeing what I did to you…hurt me so bad. And…I couldn't break free _myself_!" 

Zel met Xelloss' eyes again and was surprised to find them filling with tears as Xelloss continued to lay open his heart. "Man, when I got to thinking about this meeting, I was so sure that you were calling it to…sever our contract…the training and all…"

Zel smirked as he asked playfully, "I can DO that?"

He regretted it as he watched the color drain from Xelloss' face. "Just kidding, Xelloss. I knew that stuff. I DO read the fine print on those contracts, you know."

Xelloss regained his composure. "Zel! You have a very cruel streak!" 

Zel nodded, "So I've been told. Anyway, so what are we talking about here—my so-called training?"

"I wanted you to know the truth about why I did what I did. It wasn't just to avoid a relationship with you. I couldn't tell you before…until you'd proven yourself to the council. But now…" Xelloss took a deep breath. "Zel, I think about you ALL the time. I-I miss your touch in bed at night. Your looks, special just for me, your love, Zel. I…I miss you so much."

Wow.

"You want to go back to the way things were before," Zel said in a near whisper.

"Yes…"

Zel sat up straighter. "But, that's not possible!"

Xelloss flinched.

"You want me to enter into a dead end relationship? For what? Open my heart again for the eventual let down that would come when you 'can't commit'? I don't want to put myself through that, Xelloss. Although, it would be so easy …falling in love with you again…"

Xelloss bit his lip and looked out the window. "Tell me the truth, please. About you and Duo..."

"That's not your business, Xelloss…but…no, we aren't boyfriends, not yet. Xelloss, it's too soon for me. I'm not ready for romance, which is over-rated, I think. I have my shaman training, travelling the continent with you, Daemon—that's for now. Then in fall, I'll have school to finish with college-level classes and now this …project at Gundam Towers to keep track of. I hadn't expected that to be loaded on my to-do list!" Zel passed a hand through his messy hair, then added, "So, you can see that doting on a boyfriend, especially a high maintenance one (like you!) is far down on that list."

Xelloss smiled cautiously, "That's good. I mean, I just wanted you to…give me a chance. A chance to prove I'm…worthy of your kind of love would be the most that I could hope for."

"A chance?"

"Bending the rules, pushing the envelope…maybe time has come for a _new _order run by a White Shrine-born shaman Mazouku and a High-level pure Mazouku in charge…"

"What? Do you mean? You want me to love you again and to try and convince the clan council to agree to…us as a couple? I don't know…I can't promise you that I'll wait for the good ole boy membership to die off…"

"Okay…" Xelloss looked troubled. "Just give me until the next council meeting in fall."

Zelgadiss, feeling uncomfortable, decided that it was time to change topics. "Fine. I'll be busy on the road and with the tower project and all, I'm sure I can put off my imaginary hot-date plans until then." He noticed that Xelloss looked relieved. "So…Germany next week? Well, then I HAVE to go to France and see Lina. I've already had to put it off for the meeting today."

"That would be easy to add to the itinerary. We'll arrange to meet Gourry at the airport in Paris, not so far from Cologne actually… You will need me for that meeting, Zel. Lina can be very volatile."

"You're telling me?!" Zel chuckled. "I've known her since kindergarten. I don't look forward to it, but I feel I must talk to her face-to-face."

"I know you do, brave Zel," Xelloss said gently. He placed a hand on his friend's shoulder and rubbed it affectionately.

Zel closed his eyes and put a hand over Xelloss', leaning back against the back of the seat. "Oh, Xelloss…if there were no clans or shrines or orders or cults to contend with…and you and I were sitting here…what would you do?"

"That's simple, Zel" Xelloss moved closer. "First, I would kiss you…then I'd make love to you, if you let me."

Zel smiled, "Me, too…um, _part_ of that…so, now what are we going to do?"

"Make history…So what do you say? Are you willing to…"

Beep, beep, beep!

"What's that obnoxious noise?" Xelloss asked, wrinkling his nose at the gadget-covered wristwatch Zel wore. 

Zel raised and fiddled with it a moment to shut it off. "New watch with an alarm," Zel said by way of an apology. "It means that it's time to go pick up Daemon. I lost my other one at the nightclub in London." He smiled up at Xelloss as his friend started the car. "I'm just glad that was all I lost."

"Yeah…me, too," Xelloss smiled.

End. Say It, Sometime Part 6.


	7. Part 7

**__**

Say It, Sometime

(Sequel to: Ask Me, Again, Tell Me, Now and Remind Me, Later)

~***~~***~~***~~***~ Part 07 ~***~~***~~***~~***~

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to.

Zel raised and fiddled with it a moment to shut it off. "New watch with an alarm," Zel said by way of an apology. "It means that it's time to go pick up Daemon. I lost my other one at the nightclub in London." He smiled up at Xelloss as his friend started the car. "I'm just glad that was all I lost."

"Yeah…me, too," Xelloss smiled.

"You're both going again?" Daemon whined uncharacteristically. He was truly upset at the notion that both of the guys he considered to be his 'dads' were planning another trip and leaving him behind so soon after the previous one to England.

"I promised Zel I'd remain in the contest until I am cut, and the next place is in Germany and while we're there we need to hook up Lina and Gourry in France," Xelloss said.

"Charlie's brother's goin' too?" The gears in Daemon's six year old head were turning, "Why can't Charlie and I go too?!"

Zel heard that. With his acute hearing, little was communicated in their tiny place that got past him. "Xelloss?" he called. When Xelloss appeared with Daemon in his wake, he asked, "Can it be done? Can he get a passport in time?"

Xelloss smiled, "Yes…"

Zelgadiss reached for the telephone and dialed the Gabriev's number, "I'll have to learn the shortcuts to government processes to keep up with you, won't I?"

By way of answering, Xelloss simply smiled, "That's a secret…"

And no, it wasn't easy. Oh, getting the passport for Charlie Gabriev was, but getting his parents approval was something else. Should anything happen to the little boy, Zel and Gourry had best not return to face the parental wrath, that was for sure. It took Xelloss and the generous application of his charisma supreme to assure them that the little squirt would be fine, that Daemon and he would be inseparable, and that one of the three adult or near-adult males would have an eye on them at all times. In the end they relented after Xelloss offered to handle all the costs incurred, including a hefty White Shrine travel insurance policy.

Mrs. Gabriev had other concerns as well. She took Zelgadiss aside and spoke to him, "Zel, I'm not sure you know what you're doing. Are you getting involved with that…young man again? After all the heartache he's caused you…"

"Yes, I mean not really…" Zel stammered, confused as to which question he was supposed to answer first and in which order. "W-we have an understanding and have built a sort of friendship on that, I guess you could say. I can't help the way I feel, but I know what I'm getting myself into this time and I'm prepared. Thanks for…making me stop and think first," he added. "Just in case I hadn't."

"Well, all right, Zelgadiss. We just love you too much to see you throw your life away… But then again, you have that wonderful project going for the kids at Gundam Towers. We're all so proud of you and of being part of it as well. Did Gourry tell you that he will be employed part-time as well? He's so like his father, you know…You're not. Your father was very serious—as you tend to be at times-- but he was also severe and uncompromising. You are more like your mother, quiet and thoughtful but with a good sense of humor."

"I need that," Zel smiled, "…to be able to live with him." He nodded over at Xelloss who was instigating some kind of juvenile prank for the little boys to lay on the unsuspecting Gourry. The older brother was relaxing on the floor watching TV, his back to the kitchen where Zel and his mother were conversing.

Suddenly the room exploded into a riot of giggles and shouts as the little boys pounded Gourry on the head with a flurry of pillows that they had collected from all around the house. The lanky young man grabbed Charlie up in one arm and Daemon in the other and wrestled them to the floor, making a heap of writhing, wriggling boys in the living room.

"He's nothing like his father," Mrs. Gabriev smiled. "Daemon, I mean. Not a duplicitous bone in his body. So sweet and good-natured… Try and do your best to keep him that way, Zelgadiss." She turned to him and said in a serious tone, "That's one of the reasons we are letting Charlie go with you. We think Xelloss' mother is not a good influence on Daemon. But…" and she stared hard at Zel for a moment, "…we do think you are and that he needs to spend more time with you. He talks about you all the time, you know. Only good things and nothing…too personal. However, when the two of you broke up, it was very hard on him. So, try and keep that into perspective, will you?"

Zel nodded, "I assure you, if it wasn't for Daemon, I wouldn't have continued to live with Xelloss. Um…. Well, we need to head back and take care of the travel arrangements. I'll bring over the itinerary as soon as it's done, all right?"

With that done and out of the way, it was smooth sailing…

Zel spent most of his free time studying with Vurumagen. He felt that he had grasped the essentials of the shaman methods and was now learning the fine tuning and researching techniques. 

"I will need to travel myself soon," the older man said to Zel one day. "You say you may be going to Norway late in summer?"

"Possibly, if Xelloss makes it to the finals. That's what part of this trip is for, the violin contest-- that and visiting Lina."

"And you're still planning on going through with that adoption plan, then?"

"Yes, if all goes well with Lina. We're taking Gourry along too. It might be rough, but…I think it's partly his decision to make as well. She can yell and rant all she likes. I don't care." Of course, Zel really did care.

"Well, here's something more for you to contemplate on your travels, then," Vurumagen said. "Your progress toward learning the Shaman trade has been nothing short of remarkable, despite the interruptions…as I've told you before. So good that I'm considering leaving you in charge of my…business while I take a sabbatical abroad for an indeterminable duration." 

"Sir?" Zelgadiss nearly choked on his own tongue he was so surprised.

"If you go to Norway, I'll go along and show introduce you around, show you the other Shamanist strongholds, so to speak. Here, though there is work to do. There are customers who will come to you in my stead and I will expect you to handle all their needs, and there is the house to take care of…and the gardens… so…keeping that in mind, let's begin today's lessons with…" he droned on as if nothing out of the ordinary had just taken place. Zelgadiss listened carefully, but every so often, his brain would scream 'I'll be in charge!'

Xelloss had his own interesting conversation with his violin teacher. Actually, he hadn't returned to regular lessons since the winter trip, but the man had been following Xelloss' progress through the papers. Xelloss had passed the trials in Seyruun to go to England, and then advanced to the next level in Germany, that much he knew.

"I wanted first to congratulate you, Xelloss, but also to invite you over for some specific training I think you might be interested in," the music teacher explained.

Xelloss was a better violinist in most respects than the gentleman on the telephone, but was curious what it was that the man was proposing, "I haven't much time…"

"Let me be explicit, then," the teacher went on, "…I know two of the judges before whom you will be performing. I know what they will be listening for and expecting to see and hear. I thought we could review those techniques so that you could focus some energy and time on those areas."

"My, that does sound valuable," Xelloss smiled into the telephone. "What time would be the most convenient for you? Yes, that will work for me as well, thank you."

"Good. There was one other opportunity I thought I'd bring to your attention. There will be open auditions for openings in the Seyruun Symphony Orchestra; that is, open to amateurs and other professionals both. Those will begin in fall, very early, and…there are several openings for violinists. Now, the pay isn't much but…your participation in these contests is excellent training and will look great on your resume."

"Well…" Xelloss said. He was caught off-guard by the news. He hadn't given any thought to his future course of action. "That is interesting. Thanks for the information. Ah, I'll be over in a few minutes. Bye."

~~~~ 

And so the next few days were a whirlwind of activity for the two guys. They keep each other filled in on their activities and counted the days until they would be taking to the air again.

The night before they were to leave, they each took turns reading stories to Daemon until the excited little guy finally fell asleep.

"Now, if someone would read me to sleep, I'd be able to relax!" Xelloss laughed.

"If you mean that, I will," Zel smiled. "And I have just the book…"

"Really?" Xelloss did a double take. "Doesn't matter what you choose. Just give me a minute to brush my teeth and get ready, 'kay?"

Zel nodded and paced through the small house, checking that the doors were locked and their packed bags were stacked at the ready. When he heard Xelloss leave the bathroom, he took his own turn. While brushing his teeth he wondered if it had been a good idea to agree to joining Xelloss in 'his' bedroom, even if it was to simply 'read him a bedtime story'. What if Xelloss asked him to lay by his side, or—more to the point—join him in bed again? 

Eventually he had no other choice but to go and find out. He drew a deep breath and left the bathroom wearing loose synthetic sport shorts and a baggy t-shirt, his favorite summer nightwear. 

Xelloss was shirtless and sitting up in bed, awake and smiling. "So, what book have you brought to read to me?"

Zel smirked, "Physics text…I wanted to get a head start on the course I'll be taking at the university… You know I'm taking two classes there in fall while still going part-time to finish high school?"

"Yeah, you are such a _nerd_!" Xelloss smirked back.

"So…what are you going to be taking?" Zel let out the breath he'd been holding. He hated to press Xelloss for personal information; he was afraid of what he might learn.

Xelloss shook his head, "I graduated…at last."

"What? You did? You didn't say anything about that! You didn't go to graduation or anything!" Zel exclaimed. He was surprised at the revelation, enough to react overtly stunned. 

"I…uh…had nothing to celebrate at the time," Xelloss said sadly. 

Oh yes…they hadn't been on very good terms at the time.

"I'm sorry…It was a bad time for us both. Well, no matter what, we'll celebrate in Cologne with a night out…or Paris…" Zel started to say.

"Or both!" Xelloss smiled.

"So…" Zel began again, "…that brings us back to the beginning. What are you going to do come fall?"

Xelloss shook his head, "I haven't any idea. I'm not really college material or suited for any useful job that I know of…anymore. I will have to give it some thought. Oh, I know!"

"Oh? That was quick…" Zel muttered dubiously.

"I'll be a starving artist and let you support me. How's that sound?" Xelloss smiled cutely.

"Like a bad example to set for your six going on seven year old son. Think some more…later, because for now we have: Chapter one, an introduction to terms and mathematical principles…" Zel read as he drove the surging hormones firing his desire back down with a dry stick of text prose.

Xelloss was out in no time. Zel turned off the light and closed the door, leaving his friend to sleep soundly…alone. He had been sorely tempted to slide in beside his warm lithe body. To feel his smooth skin and strong hands again around him would be to satisfy a craving and deep need, but it was not to happen that night. No, they were going to be on the road and rooming with Gourry and two kids at times so now was no time to start up something he wasn't certain he wanted to re-start. Zel set his own alarm clock and flung himself down onto the couch, not bothering to make it up like a bed. Too much trouble…

~~~~ 

Cologne was a beautiful city with an interesting mesh of the very old famous cathedrals and ancient ruins uncovered from the days of the Cephied-Mazouku separation, with the trappings of the modern big-city. Zelgadiss had studied German in high school and felt more comfortable attempting to get around than when in France. Reading signs, maps, and asking directions were all within his capabilities. Gourry, on the other hand, was lost. He was also perfectly happy to let the other two guys make all the decisions. Gourry simply gripped each of the smaller kids by the hand, one at each of his sides and kept his eye on the others.

The food was something else again. It was plentiful…more than enough to fill even him, complete with meat and potatoes galore! And the beer! Gourry loved the beer, and he could down it by the liter. "Ein Mass, bitter!" he learned to say.

Xelloss checked in at their hotel, verifying their rooms' availability, locking his violin in the hotel safe for protection, and the discerning whereabouts of the violin contest. When he was satisfied that all was in order, Xelloss joined the others in the connecting restaurant. "Well, I've got our keys and everything. I have to show up tomorrow at the concert hall to check in and receive my schedule. Whoa, Gourry…that enough beer for you?"

Gourry smiled. A little more smile than usual. "There's dinner on the way," he smiled more.

"Oh?" Xelloss looked at Zel. "You ordered without me?"

"I ordered _for_ you. I included salad so I hope it's all right. 'Cutlet' looms large on the menu. That and 'potato'," Zel said.

"After the lack of edible material on the flight over, I'm sure it will be quite 'all right'. How about you kids? Tired?" Xelloss smiled at the both wired and exhausted little boys.

"I don't know if I wanna eat or not…" Daemon moaned.

"Well, I do!" Charlie piped up. "Then I wanna see our room. We gotta room to ourselves, don't we?"

"Well…not exactly…" Xelloss began, but paused to let the moans subside. "There are two rooms with a connecting door. One has a big bed in it—that one's for you to share, I think—while the other has three double beds, one for each of us. So, you see, you do get a room together, but we'll be able to catch you if you try to sneak out and get into any trouble!"

The two younger boys hunkered together and chatted about the room until the food arrived.

Xelloss paused midway through his meal to speak again, "You've been quiet, Gourry. Something bothering you? I didn't have time to check with you about the accommodations…I had the last minute changes to make and all… I didn't think to ask if you minded…sharing a room with …me…us."

Gourry looked blank for a minute, then what Xelloss was trying to say sank in through his thick skull. "Oh, ya mean 'cause yer both gay, huh? Well, I'm not too worried…" he shot them both a smile, "I'm bigger than both of ya together. Try anythin' an' I could mash ya…" He proceeded to demonstrated his technique on a boiled potato.

That caused Zelgadiss to blush and cover his face with his hands, while Xelloss snorted and giggled. "Oh, I wouldn't dare!" Xelloss choked out, much to Zel's further embarrassment. "I really only go for the weak and innocent!"

Gourry chuckled. He had no fear for his little brother either. He trusted Xelloss to behave himself around the little boys who loved him like an only slightly older sibling at times. Xelloss may have been the oldest at the table, but he was as playful and as boyish as the six-year olds at times. That both annoyed and endeared him to Zel, who was mature way beyond his years, now that he had let down his arrogant guard and accepted his responsibilities for his actions. Gourry was a mature eighteen-going-on-nineteen-year-old. He was clear about his direction in life and ready to own up to his duties as well. He knew he hadn't much to offer a headstrong girl like Lina, but he'd give her all he had.

Xelloss continued, "And, I do have a sense of honor, don't I Zel?"

"Huh? Oh, well I guess…" Zel muttered unable to follow Xelloss' remark, as his brain became fuzzy from the beer he'd just guzzled.

"Well, you're still a virgin after living with me for nearly seven months! That's got to account for something!" he grinned, then helped his son pickup a dropped napkin.

That surprised Gourry. A lot. He shot a quick, confirming glance at Zel, who was shocked, embarrassed and livid. "Um, yer a read jokester, Xelloss!" Gourry said to diffuse the situation. "I think the boys are tired, though. Why don't you show us the rooms now?"

"O-kay, do-kay!" Xelloss smiled and swept up the little boys and pushed them out the door.

"Why did you tell him that!" Zel whispered to Xelloss when they had a moment to themselves. Gourry was tucking in the boys with a story in the adjoining room.

"Because it's true and I don't want to be type-cast as the bad guy in our relationship."

"Relationship!" Zel snorted.

"Yes, our new one. I'm being honest when I say that I'm…crazy about you, Zel. I want us to start over."

Zel was skeptical, but his friend sounded sincere and he yearned for the other boy in his life, "…and you said you'd wait a bit…"

"Why though? To get some kind of okay or rejection from the council leadership? If they can't deal with 'us' as we are then I say…shove the position!" Xelloss said. "Well? What do you say? I mean, you have to say it sometime…" 

"Say…what?" Zel murmured in a raspy voice.

"You have to say…yesssss…"

He stood one arm pushing off a wall, the other gesturing meaningfully. Zelgadiss stood a little bit closer than 'just friends' usually do and was gazing back into the flashing purple eyes with his own blue-greens edged with long dark lashes. When Gourry entered the room, he hesitated a moment. The sexual tension radiated from the two guys facing off. "Um… want me ta take a walk or somethin'?" Gourry asked kindly.

Zel was first to break the mood, "Oh no! We need to go over the schedule and…I'm about to pass out I'm so tired. Ah, Xelloss? What time do you need to put in an appearance tomorrow?"

"Not until ten and only to check in and get my assignment for the next day or two. No dressing up either, so…set your watch for nine. No one else has to get up but me. Grab breakfast…something smallish and we'll meet back here for lunch. I have some ideas about activities to amuse the little guys and lunches here in Germany are long and big. Okay?" Xelloss said evenly. He hadn't missed a beat, smoothly moving from pleasure to business. 

Zel's heart was beating furiously, however. Had Xelloss really meant what he'd said? Was he willing to leave his council position in order to keep Zel as a boyfriend…a real boyfriend? He was giddy with passion. A guy could die from this, right?

~~~~ 

The contest was over in two days. Xelloss and a hand-full of additional violinists outshone the other contestants. They were excused from the final runoff scheduled for the last day and instead were awarded 'pass extraordinaire' to the finals in Norway. This was quite a surprise to Xelloss who had never considered himself that talented a musician before. Obviously, he was.

At the celebratory dinner that evening, Xelloss suggested that they cut short their time in Germany and take the train to Paris the next morning. That would give them a head start on the 'Lina problem', as he called it. "I'll call Nahga and let her know our plans have been changed."

"So, ya won't be able to go home before ya haveta go to Norway?" Gourry asked.

"That's right," Xelloss shook his head. "I truly did not expect to get this far in the contest. It hardly matters how I do in the finals. To be in this cut is…just amazing for me. It also makes it begin to sound feasible…" he voice trailed away as he withdrew deep in thought a moment.

"What do you mean?" Zel asked. "What are you planning now?"

"Oh, I probably haven't told you yet," Xelloss smiled and stood to help Daemon get his chair closer to the table. "When we get back…this fall… there are tryouts for the Seyruun Symphony Orchestra. I think I'll go for it!"

"Well, then…that's great!" Zel gushed. That meant Xelloss would be sticking around. Then Xelloss smiled at him. He had difficulty continuing what he wanted to say, so he proceeded to stutter, "Y-yes! That is…t-to what you s-said before…"

Xelloss plopped back into his chair seat and smiled, "What's that, Zel? Yes…what?"

Zelgadiss blushed deeply and looked off into the distance, following the progress of a waiter carrying carefully balanced platters of food and coming their way. "Um…yes… I want to try over again. Now, that's all, Xelloss, dinner's arriving."

Xelloss beamed. Well, he couldn't let such an important decision go by without comment, could he? Of course not! As soon as the server left the table, Xelloss jumped out of his seat and wrapped his arms around Zel's neck. He leaned around and kissed his startled friend gently. "That felt soooo good!" he whispered into Zel's ear, then returned to his seat. 

Xelloss looked around at the expectant faces at the table and ignored those at neighboring ones. "Now, for your information, Zel and I have made up. We are officially an 'item'." 

There. All announced and everything!

End. Say It, Sometime Part 7.


	8. Part 8

****

Say It, Sometime

(This story is fourth in the 'Remind Me, Now' series. It follows the 'Ask Me, Again' story.)

Disclaimer: This is a fan-based fiction based on characters I do not own the rights to. This is a male x male romance. If you don't like them, don't read this, please…

**Part 8**

* * *

Xelloss looked around at the expectant faces at the table and ignored those at neighboring ones. "Now, for your information, Zel and I have made up. We are officially an 'item'." His eyes glowed.

There. All announced and everything! After the two younger boys had eaten, Gourry suggested that he carry dessert up to their room. "How considerate!" Xelloss whispered to Zel. "We will have to do something very nice for that guy."

"If we get Lina to spare his life, he'll call it even," Zel muttered.

Xelloss leaned close to Zel and said, "You know I care for you, Zel. I want the very best for you…to make you happy."

Zelgadiss wasn't certain what to say at first, with the restaurant patrons as an audience, so in the lowest voice possible he said, "I understand, Xelloss, that that's how you feel. Me…well, I'm ready to be yours pretty much unconditionally."

Xelloss smiled, "I guess we're working on it, our relationship, I mean."

"Um…yeah."

"But you want more, right?" Xelloss asked.

"I want what I can't ask for, Xelloss. I guess I'll always have to wait to let you catch up with my feelings, when that happens. I mean, _if_ it happens. That would be wonderful, all I could ever want. But…if it doesn't happen, then I know you've always been completely honest with me. You've never just told me what I want to hear because it made it easier for you."

"That's for sure!" Xelloss laughed. "Zel…you are trying to tell me that you need for me to say 'I love you' the way _you_ have said you love me. You want me to make the commitment you've always made with those words."

"Oh, Xelloss…you know I can't ask for that! And, I certainly don't want to force it and I don't want you to say things you don't fully feel." Zel looked down at his hands. "This isn't the best place for us to talk about…us."

"Actually, aside from us both sounding a bit formal and stiff, I think we're doing fine. You know, you're such a wise soul, Zel. At times, I feel as if you're the older one and I'm just some immature kid who keeps bounding from one thing to the next, never knowing what he really wants-- what _I _really want and need."

Zelgadiss slipped his hand under the table and found Xelloss'. He squeezed the hand meaningfully. His hand, warm and radiant with his energy, pressed against that of the love of his life, flooding Xelloss with his overwhelming power of love.

"I want to tell you something, Zel." Zelgadiss was silent so Xelloss continued. "I -I haven't had sex with anyone since you came into my life. Well…Nuriko once, but I told you about that and it didn't last for long."

"I haven't…you know…been with anyone," Zel confessed as well with a blush.

"Yeah, I didn't think so," Xelloss smiled hiding his relief. "If you haven't been with anyone else, and even if you had, I know you and you wouldn't have done anything really risky with anyone anyway." Xelloss noticed Zel blush deeper. "I didn't mean to get us off on a discussion of safe sex, Zel. The point I was trying to make was that for some time I have made a sort of commitment."

"Xelloss..."

"I made a commitment to be with you in my heart long before I'd even made up my mind about it." Xelloss smiled.

"Thank you," Zel whispered, pressing his hands around Xelloss' again.

"So I guess the more important thing, Zel, is that I can say it," Xelloss whispered. "It scares me, but it's true. I love you." A single tear ran down from his right eye, along the curve of his cheek. Then he smiled again as he said, "You know, one result of my having said it once is that now I want to say it all the time."

"You can practice as much as you want," Zel smiled in return, shyly glancing out from under his messy bangs. He was delighted that his friend had now gotten over his hesitancy to face his feelings for him.

"I love you, Zel," Xelloss said, his voice low and rich.

Zel knew that for him it was a statement of great significance. "Thank you, Xelloss. I don't think you can even imagine how happy you've made me."

"I only wish I'd been able to say it sooner, before we had to go through all that other…."

"Forget it. We've been over that enough. Right now is what matters and what you've said… It's the best gift you could have given me. You know how much I…" Zel blushed slightly and sneaked a look around the room to see if anyone was watching them, "…love you."

"No, I guess I really don't know, but I intend to find out," Xelloss said mischievously. "Let's go back to our room…to check on the boys, of course!"

Their room was void of people. Gourry and the little boys were watching something on the TV—an American show with terrible subtitles in German. Their combined laughter was cheering.

"I could love that guy," Xelloss smiled, thinking of how thoughtful Gourry had been. He sat on the center bed at stared at Zelgadiss.

"I hope not _too_ much," Zel said with humor. Then with a great deal of courage, Zelgadiss slid onto Xelloss' lap and pressed his lips tenderly to his dear friend's. The effect was electrical. Zel felt nearly overwhelmed with excitement, lust, and love. Then, they kissed again, deeply and meaningfully. Zel broke apart to say in a husky voice, "Gods, do you feel as…"

Only to be interrupted by a gentle rap at the door linking the two rooms.

"Yer back? Daemon says you promised them you'd tell a story tonight. I could do it if yer need more time…" Gourry began tentatively.

"Oh, no we'll have plenty of time later to…talk," Xelloss said amiably while gently pushing Zel off. "You keep Gourry company, okay?" he added with a wink.

Gourry followed Xelloss out with his eyes, then sank back onto his bed, "Shit, Zel…I'm not one to talk judgement here, but…"

"Then don't. This is one of my hormonal driven decisions, all right?" Zel smiled and jumped onto his bed. "You got _yours_ already," he added.

Gourry smiled his assent. "Yeah…I can't wait to deal with that tomorrow…One hour of fun…a lifetime of responsibility."

"A whole hour, huh?"

"Well, more, if ya count the dinner and movie."

"Well, sounds like my big problem is coming back so I'm hitting the bathroom first," Zel muttered as he escaped.

Xelloss closed the door behind him and casually looked around the room. "Chase him off?"

"Nah, bathroom," Gourry answered. "Um, wanna change rooms? I don't mind bunkin' up in here with the boys and then you and Zel could have the other room to yerselves."

"Ah…thanks…but no thanks. I don't know if I would trust myself alone with him right now," Xelloss smiled and removed his shirt. "You see, I made a promise to his Grandfather and I want to stay out of jail!" Xelloss chuckled. "He's not even eighteen, Gourry, and he's got a clearer idea of what he wants and what he's doing than I do. So…I wait. I luckily realized that he was worth the wait…before it was too late. And…I don't want to mess things up or scare him off…but…Gods! He's just so damned hot!"

Gourry chuckled, "If you say so. He's just another guy ta me, though…he's a better one than a year ago. Just don't go getting' yerself all worked up, Xelloss. Go ta bed, turn toward me and listen to me snore. That…outta be as good as a cold shower!"

"Gee, thanks!" Xelloss said, but did as suggested.

When Zel tiptoed into the room, all was quiet. He was tempted to run his fingers through that beautiful, silky purple hair, but on second thought he just went to his own bed. Behave…

The next day, Zel, and Gourry were at the airport gift shop hanging out with the boys while Xelloss met Lina and Nahga. Once Lina was primed with a little preparatory information from Xelloss, Nahga would scoot off to find the boys and let Zel and Gourry meet with Lina while Xelloss joined her. That was the plan: to keep Lina out of Charlie's sight while not leaving either the boys unattended or give Lina a chance to bolt.

"Xelloss! Long time no see!" shouted Lina waving her arms. Her belly was distended but not remarkably so. Young, tight muscles and a great furnace of a metabolism kept her fit and flab-free.

"Wow, Lina! You look terrific!" he exclaimed, drawing her into a hug.

"See? I done well, huh?" gloated Nahga. "She's about ready to pop that baby and she's in perfect health…weight gain of under 25 pounds!"

"You're marvelous, both of you girls are."

"Yeah, yeah…so where's Zel hidin'?" Lina asked surveying the terminal for his shaggy head and bright azure eyes.

"He's with Daemon and…friends," Xelloss demurred.

"Friends? You didn't tell me you guys were bringing friends…"

"Well, one in particular," Xelloss gave her a meaningful glance.

"Oh…no…Don't tell me…" she began.

"First, let me say this," he waved a hand to distract her attention. "Luna knows why you are here. That's right. She and I had a long talk—knight to high-council-member. She was unhappy, but after she got over the shock, she was hurt that you didn't tell her yourself and she wants to help you, of course. She also agreed wholeheartedly with Zel's decision to tell…Gourry."

"Ah…crap, Xelloss…" Lina moaned. "You said this wouldn't happen!"

"I know. I hadn't meant for it to happen but…I confided in Zel and well…he may have defected to the Mazouku, but deep down inside he's got the moral upbringing of a White Shriner." Xelloss mutter that last statement with a look of distaste. "The point being…Your sister agrees that Gourry has the right to know and now he's here. Zel's got another plan…" he nodded to Nahga, "Yes, go ahead and send them to meet us here at the coffee shop. Thanks Nahga."

To Lina he asked, "Where was I?"

Lina frowned. "Zel's grand plan. Jeesh, Xelloss, when did you start taking directions from that guy?"

Xelloss actually blushed in response. "Um, well that's a very twisted and long story…"

"The answer being…"she prompted him.

"That's a seeeecret," he smiled and winked.

Zel and Gourry watched as Lina pummeled the poor guy sharing her table with both menus.

"Don't you ever patronize me with that line…Oh, Zel! Gourry!" Lina brightened and popped out of her seat. Gourry scooped her up in his arms and squeezed.

When he released her at last and set her back on her feet, he leaned back and looked her over. "Wow that felt like ya swallowed a melon! Ya know the way yer belly felt when it pushed up against me?" he said with the perceptions of a warthog.

Zel groaned, "You didn't really say that…"

Now that Lina had someone else to attack, Xelloss slipped away to join up with Nahga and the two boys.

Eventually everyone settled down; that is, Zel ordered them all some lunch and the food arrived. In the comparative calmness, Zelgadiss outlined his plan to adopt Lina's baby. Gourry then proceeded to tell Lina that he wanted to raise his baby sometime soon and that he'd face his parents and (gasp) Luna tomorrow (brave lad) if Lina wouldn't hate him.

"The point is, I can adopt your baby so that you know where he or she is and can keep in contact with him or her… Lina, I just could not in good conscience let some stranger have the product of two of my best friends, all right! Understand?" Zel pleaded.

"Can we go somewhere?" Lina asked abruptly. "Gourry and I gotta lot ta talk about, 'kay?"

Since Lina hadn't appeared like a bloated balloon, Xelloss decided that the boys would be fine seeing her and, if they asked, he'd say she had gained weight from overeating in France. That could even fool Gourry, he figured. He traded in Nahga's dumpy rental car for a luxury van-- complete with built-in bathroom for Lina's comfort. He took his 'new' extended family on a tour of the countryside outside of Paris. They drove beyond the ugly, industrial slag heaps that seem apart of the modern world, to the rolling farmland, to stop eventually before nightfall at a charming cottage tucked away behind sheltering tress and hedges.

"Cool place!" Nahga exclaimed. "Who owns this?"

"I do," Xelloss said evenly.

Zelgadiss shot him a curious look, "Oh? You never told me about having a house here."

"No? Well…This is where I lived until boarding school. And then… I visited after that. I just completed the transfer of ownership last spring, thinking that I might be returning and need a place for Daemon and me to live."

Zel stared hard. So that's what he was up to…looking for an escape route. "So, what made you change your mind and stay in Seyruun?"

Xelloss smiled as the pulled to a stop and set the brake. "Why you, of course, babe. You made me reconsider my plans and promise to enter into that damned violin concert. But the house is still mine!" he leaned into Zel and kissed him lightly. "It's warm enough at night to sleep out on the veranda, or…at least I hope it is because it's where you and I are going to be bunking tonight."

"Babe?" Lina asked Gourry. "What's with the 'babe' nickname?"

"Um…I guess that's what Xelloss calls his boyfriend. They um…came out to some friends, then had a fight and broke up, then made up a day or so ago," Gourry said compacting months of pain and emotional upheaval into a single sentence.

"Who? Zel and Xelloss? They're like…a couple?" Lina questioned Gourry further as he shouldered her bags as well as his and Charlie's.

"Yeah, but they don't…um…do stuff," he added with a blush and swept past her hoping that he'd be able to avoid expanding on that particular topic.

"Well," Xelloss said in a near whisper to Zel as they strode up the lengthy front walk. "That went well, dontcha think?"

"Yes, but, Xelloss?"

"Yes, babe?"

"Um…just call me Zel, all right?"

Xelloss nodded, dropping his smile and searching his pockets for the house key. "Always? That's gonna be hard."

Zel sighed, "How about just around other people. It makes me feel less… manly. I guess that's the word I'm looking for…"

Xelloss smiled, "I'll try hard then, Zel."

That night Xelloss and Zel slept out under the stars, leaving Gourry and Lina to share the master bedroom, the boys to share Daemon's room, and Nahga to have the guest bedroom.

"This is beautiful, Xelloss. What a great place to grow up."

"Yes and no," Xelloss said. "I was lonely. I always was. Not many local kids to play with. It wasn't until I got to school that I met boys my age and by the time I was thirteen…well I started thinking about them differently. Some became friends, I suppose, but nothing like you and Gourry. And certainly nothing whatsoever like…you and me."

"Hmm," Zel sighed.

"That was a meaningful comment embedded with complex philosophical insight," Xelloss chuckled. "What are you _wanting_ to ask me?"

"Well, was sex a substitute for loneliness?"

"For deep friendships maybe, but it was a way of life, income, position…" Xelloss reached out and cupped Zel's chin, holding his head up so that their eyes locked. "I have learned something very important over the past few months. Would you like to know what that was?"

Zel nodded slightly as Xelloss released his hold.

"There's more to life than just sex. I mean, it feels good. Sometimes it feels almost _too_ good. Some guys get to the point where they want to do it and not do anything else. And, then get so caught up in it that they want to do it with just anyone. Yeah, it's fun. But, it's also special and it's so much better, so very much better with someone you love," Xelloss smiled. "At least it is…in my dreams."

Zelgadiss sat up and brushed the loose hair from Xelloss' face. The night was warm, the stony ground still radiating the heat of the day. They had tossed blankets and cushions on the dry grass to make a bed to share. He wanted to have Xelloss touch him, some, again and definitely kiss him more. In fact he felt particularly amorous, and his mind was shutting down as his heartbeat quickened. "That was a very romantic thing to say."

"Yeah, and I had no ulterior motives either," Xelloss smiled warmly and kissed the hand that was still caressing his hair. "I know that you aren't ready to take the physical part further, it's just…"

"_Hard_ for you, I know…" Zel said with a sigh. Maybe he was more ready than he thought right now.

"Well, naturally, but that wasn't what I was getting at," Xelloss said. "I wanted to get past that…so that I could prove to you that the way I feel won't change after we've made love together. I won't stop loving you, I mean-- and I don't think you believe that! But, nothing will happen until you want it, um…and you're eighteen. I can wait and not push you. Okay?"

Well, I…" Zel began, when he stopped. His sharp ears caught a shout from the house. "Xelloss, Gourry's calling us. Something's wrong!"

Xelloss respected Zel's superior hearing, and so, shook off the light covers and pull on a t-shirt. "I'll go see what's…"

Gourry stuck his head out the door, "Zel? You guys out there?"

"Yeah! What's up?"

"Lina's been pacing the place for the a few hours and her back hurts. Nahga thinks we outta call the doctor."

Xelloss hopped up and skipped to the door, "Where is Lina? Oh, there…Lina! So your back hurts?"

"It's been aching down low all day, but now…and my stomach's crampin' …bad food, huh?" Lina grumbled. "Ah…there it goes again!"

"Really?" he smiled as he dialed a number.

Nahga stumbled wearily into the front room. "Tell the doc…'bout 20 minutes apart."

Xelloss nodded and spoke quickly into the receiver, listened, then hung up. "So Lina?"

"Yeah, what?"

"Ready to have that baby?"

Her face blanched. "That's what this is all about?"

Xelloss nodded, "Yep. Contractions. Time to boogie! Grab that little overnight bag and I'll drive you and Gourry to the hospital, small one real close, while I go tell Zel, 'kay?"

Gourry stood dumfounded and stared at Lina, who stared back at him in disbelief. "G-Gourry? I-I'm gonna have the baby!"

That did it for him. He was certain now that he wanted that baby to be in his arms, in his house, and with that girl to be his wife—no doubts!

He swept her up in his big arms and carried her to the van, "Yer gonna have _our_ baby and I'm gonna be right there with ya, and everything's gonna be fine…You'll see…and, ah…I love ya so much, Lina!"

* * *

For a continuation of this story, read the next story entitled 'Call Me, Anytime'. 

End. Say It, Sometime Part 8


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